It is day 3. My dad is the same and it is really hard for me to watch him behave like a different person. Lots of feelings are coming up for me: worry, fear, sadness, but also some gratitude and peace.
There is nothing I can do right now to fix the situation. I know that I should allow myself to feel these feelings.
I decide to use my notepad as a journal. I let my pen to lead my hand through pages of writing. I write whatever comes up. I don’t try to make it pretty. I write everything: the pain and the sorrow, the hope and the joy.
From time to time, I hear my dad in the background talking to himself. Some of his imaginary stories are really funny! I allow myself to laugh. After all – sense of humor is important in a time like that.
After writing pages and pages I feel a relief. It feels good to acknowledge the feelings and then to release them.
Your daily balance tip: Write it all out!
Motivated to focus on the positive, today I arrived at the hospital to find my dad not as aggressive as he was on Day 1, but very confused and hallucinating all the time. A few hours later, he did not recognize us and was engaged in imaginary conversations with some imaginary friends. I decided to make a gratitude list to regain a balanced perspective. It was hard at first, but with some work I was able to come up with a list of things I am grateful for despite the difficult situation.
- My dad who is busy with his own little world and doesn’t have to see himself like I do
- The ability to be present for him
- All the people who love him and care about him
- All the people who support me
- My active spiritual practice which provides me with practical tools to stay sane in a time like this
- My family
- Hospital staff, especially those who really care
- This blog, which gives me an opportunity to write and keep the energy moving
- Hope, Trust and the Divine
Whatever is going on in your life – Make a Gratitude list!
It is the day of the surgery. After saying goodbye to my dad, we had a few hours to kill in the waiting area. As the hours pass by, the tension level is getting higher. It is hard to be in a situation where someone you love is going though a potentially dangerous procedure, while you have no control and can’t do anything to help. You just need to wait. Finally, we get the news the surgery is over and it was a success. But then it all starts. Escorting my dad back to his room in the hospital, we are told that he had an extreme reaction to the anesthesia. He becomes confused and aggressive, screaming and trying to pull out the different tubes connected to him. The next couple of hours are hard and it was very traumatic for me to see my dad losing all his defense mechanism and common sense and acting wild, almost like an animal. Although my mind understand that it is a normal reaction for some people after surgery, it is very hard on my heart to see my dad like that. We hired a private nurse for the night. Driving back from the hospital at night, it suddenly hit me:
I can choose to dwell in today’s experience or I can choose to move forward.
I can choose to get stuck in how traumatic today was for me or I can accept it and hope for a better day tomorrow
When talking to other people, I can focus on how hard it was for me, or I can state the facts and share my hopes.
I can not change the facts, but I can change my reaction.
I would like to dedicate this week’s blog to my dad, who is recovering from a surgery. Sitting next to his bed in the hospital, I will share my experiences and thoughts with you daily.
I will start my hospital blog tomorrow and my intention is to try and use my many years of experience with healing, meditation and positive thinking to keep me balanced in the next coming days. I would love you to be there with me and to share your insight.
Happy 4th of July!
Michal
