Reiki ideals
Just for today, do not worry
Just for today, do not anger
Honor your teachers, your parents, your neighbors, your friends
Just for today live honestly
Just for today be kind to all living things
My dad is being released from the hospital and I am heading home soon. I am grateful for being able to be with him during the surgery. It won’t easy for me to leave him. He still has a long way to go in his recovery. I wish I could stay but I know that I have to go back home to my family who I miss, you all, my work and my life. I’ve started worrying about lots of things: things I need to do for my dad before I leave, catching up I have to do back home, and more. I can easily get overwhelmed! I’ve been there before.
Reminding myself of the Reiki Ideals is helping me stay centered. I include those in my daily prayer: Just for today…..
I don’t need to figure it all out right now. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year… I need to focus on today. One day at a time. That’s what my dad needs to do for his recovery. That’s what I need to do for my sanity.
Tomorrow is my Birthday and I am going to reflect on what I really want for my Birthday. Will share with you tomorrow!
Just for today….. One day at a time
There are so many areas in my life in which I would like to grow, to change, to develop, and to add something. There is also so much action and excitement in my life. I know that I am lucky and feel grateful for it.
At the same time, it can feel like I am riding the express train and life is passing by me too fast.
Do I need to slow down? Is life happening too fast?
Watching my dad taking his first couple of steps since the surgery I realize:
Baby Steps!
That’s my lesson. Getting so excited about things is fine, but I can take baby steps and commit myself fully to one thing at a time. I don’t have to do it all at once.
Do you ever feel that you want to stop the ‘train of life’ which is riding so fast?
Look at your life. In what areas do you need to slow down and take baby steps?
The morning of day 4 brings lots of improvement. My dad is calmer, hallucinating less and he even recognizes us. Yesterday was the hardest day for me so far and I still feel a little shaken. I am motivated to do whatever it takes to get back on track and get centered. If I close my eyes I will not be able to watch my dad. I am not even sure I can meditate right now because my mind is racing. I need to be creative and modify my exercises. I try different exercises I have in my “Tool Box” until I come up with the following routine, do it a few times and become much more centered:
Step 1 – Scan the Body
Gazing at one point on the wall in front of me, I pay attention to my breathing and I start to scan my physical body. I realize that my body is very tense. Some muscles are stiff, other areas are sore. I simply breathe and notice the sensations. I identify where in my body I feel the tension. I am a little surprised; there are so many areas!
Step 2 – Follow my Breath
After noticing the tension, it is time to release it. This doesn’t always require a conscious effort – sometimes simply noticing it can be enough. Still gazing at the wall, I start to notice my breathing. I focus on the moment between the inhale and exhale and I imagine each breath cycle as an infinity symbol, ∞. The breathing helps me to release the tension from my body.
Step 3 – Notice my Thoughts
My body is more relaxed. Now it is time to check what is going on with my mind. While breathing, I start to notice my thoughts. And there are so many! No wonder my mind is racing! I name the thoughts as they come up without engaging with their content. I say to my self “Thinking” when I recognize a thought. If no thought comes up, I return my attention to the breath.
Notice your body, follow your breath and be aware of your thoughts.
It is day 3. My dad is the same and it is really hard for me to watch him behave like a different person. Lots of feelings are coming up for me: worry, fear, sadness, but also some gratitude and peace.
There is nothing I can do right now to fix the situation. I know that I should allow myself to feel these feelings.
I decide to use my notepad as a journal. I let my pen to lead my hand through pages of writing. I write whatever comes up. I don’t try to make it pretty. I write everything: the pain and the sorrow, the hope and the joy.
From time to time, I hear my dad in the background talking to himself. Some of his imaginary stories are really funny! I allow myself to laugh. After all – sense of humor is important in a time like that.
After writing pages and pages I feel a relief. It feels good to acknowledge the feelings and then to release them.
Your daily balance tip: Write it all out!
Motivated to focus on the positive, today I arrived at the hospital to find my dad not as aggressive as he was on Day 1, but very confused and hallucinating all the time. A few hours later, he did not recognize us and was engaged in imaginary conversations with some imaginary friends. I decided to make a gratitude list to regain a balanced perspective. It was hard at first, but with some work I was able to come up with a list of things I am grateful for despite the difficult situation.
- My dad who is busy with his own little world and doesn’t have to see himself like I do
- The ability to be present for him
- All the people who love him and care about him
- All the people who support me
- My active spiritual practice which provides me with practical tools to stay sane in a time like this
- My family
- Hospital staff, especially those who really care
- This blog, which gives me an opportunity to write and keep the energy moving
- Hope, Trust and the Divine
Whatever is going on in your life – Make a Gratitude list!
It is the day of the surgery. After saying goodbye to my dad, we had a few hours to kill in the waiting area. As the hours pass by, the tension level is getting higher. It is hard to be in a situation where someone you love is going though a potentially dangerous procedure, while you have no control and can’t do anything to help. You just need to wait. Finally, we get the news the surgery is over and it was a success. But then it all starts. Escorting my dad back to his room in the hospital, we are told that he had an extreme reaction to the anesthesia. He becomes confused and aggressive, screaming and trying to pull out the different tubes connected to him. The next couple of hours are hard and it was very traumatic for me to see my dad losing all his defense mechanism and common sense and acting wild, almost like an animal. Although my mind understand that it is a normal reaction for some people after surgery, it is very hard on my heart to see my dad like that. We hired a private nurse for the night. Driving back from the hospital at night, it suddenly hit me:
I can choose to dwell in today’s experience or I can choose to move forward.
I can choose to get stuck in how traumatic today was for me or I can accept it and hope for a better day tomorrow
When talking to other people, I can focus on how hard it was for me, or I can state the facts and share my hopes.
I can not change the facts, but I can change my reaction.
