The morning of day 4 brings lots of improvement. My dad is calmer, hallucinating less and he even recognizes us. Yesterday was the hardest day for me so far and I still feel a little shaken. I am motivated to do whatever it takes to get back on track and get centered. If I close my eyes I will not be able to watch my dad. I am not even sure I can meditate right now because my mind is racing. I need to be creative and modify my exercises. I try different exercises I have in my “Tool Box” until I come up with the following routine, do it a few times and become much more centered:
Step 1 – Scan the Body
Gazing at one point on the wall in front of me, I pay attention to my breathing and I start to scan my physical body. I realize that my body is very tense. Some muscles are stiff, other areas are sore. I simply breathe and notice the sensations. I identify where in my body I feel the tension. I am a little surprised; there are so many areas!
Step 2 – Follow my Breath
After noticing the tension, it is time to release it. This doesn’t always require a conscious effort – sometimes simply noticing it can be enough. Still gazing at the wall, I start to notice my breathing. I focus on the moment between the inhale and exhale and I imagine each breath cycle as an infinity symbol, ∞. The breathing helps me to release the tension from my body.
Step 3 – Notice my Thoughts
My body is more relaxed. Now it is time to check what is going on with my mind. While breathing, I start to notice my thoughts. And there are so many! No wonder my mind is racing! I name the thoughts as they come up without engaging with their content. I say to my self “Thinking” when I recognize a thought. If no thought comes up, I return my attention to the breath.
Notice your body, follow your breath and be aware of your thoughts.
It is day 3. My dad is the same and it is really hard for me to watch him behave like a different person. Lots of feelings are coming up for me: worry, fear, sadness, but also some gratitude and peace.
There is nothing I can do right now to fix the situation. I know that I should allow myself to feel these feelings.
I decide to use my notepad as a journal. I let my pen to lead my hand through pages of writing. I write whatever comes up. I don’t try to make it pretty. I write everything: the pain and the sorrow, the hope and the joy.
From time to time, I hear my dad in the background talking to himself. Some of his imaginary stories are really funny! I allow myself to laugh. After all – sense of humor is important in a time like that.
After writing pages and pages I feel a relief. It feels good to acknowledge the feelings and then to release them.
Your daily balance tip: Write it all out!
Why do I invite you to look at your hand?
Because Intentional Noticing is another simple way to bring balance into your life.
Let’s look at these 2 words: “Intentional” and “Noticing”.
An on-line dictionary defines Intentional as done deliberately and having to do with intention and defines Noticing as The act of noting or observing, perception or attention.
Why did I even look it up?The other day, I was interviewing Sandy Bramlett for my “Ask the Expert” series. I ask the experts I interview for easy tips to bring balance into my life. Sandy led me (and all of you who can still listen to the interview) in an exercise of spending a few minutes observing your hand. I have been practice this exercise every day since then, and it works. I feel that it makes me present, especially if I also stay aware of my breath, and it takes me away from my thoughts, my worries, my “To Do” lists and everything else.
For those five minutes, it is only me observing my hand – a taste of freedom.
Today’s tip:
Observe your hand. All directions, all aspects: look, posture, texture, color, shape, touch. 5 minutes. That’s all you need. Let me know what you have noticed.
“I am exhausted” I told a dear friend several weeks ago. She suggested that I should be more careful with the words I choose. We say “Exhausted” when we mean “tired.” We say “starving” when we mean “hungry.” We say “depressed” when we mean “sad.” The words we think and say often become a reality.
Today, I was telling a friend about the day I had and, instinctively, the words difficult, hard, and terrible came to mind. I was able to pause before speaking, so that I could change my word choice. With more positive words and positive thinking, my day could turn out to be less “terrible”.
What words in your daily vocabulary can you change to create a more positive reality?
How would you feel about NOT using your cell phone for one day every week?
A lot of people think they can’t survive the modern age without their cell phone, iPod, the Internet, television etc. Recently, while traveling, I was in a situation where I had no Internet or phone connection for a full day. At the beginning it was strange and felt unsafe. How could I live without reporting to my family where I am every second? How could I live without knowing where they are very second? This was a situation that was forced upon me. It wasn’t my choice. I am asking myself now, if I will be able to chose to have no communication for a day, or even for an evening. Why? Because there is so much NOISE around us and we spend so much of our time texting/emailing/talking. When I was forced into this situation I actual felt more peaceful. More connected to myself. So I wonder if having this designated time every week will bring me some more inner peace.
What do you think? Can you imagine yourself choosing to be disconnected so you can have more balance?
A few weeks ago, as I was entering my car to drive to the Heal Center, I realized that my husband was driving my car the day before. How did I know? The seat was too far and I also had to adjust the mirrors. But there was another hint: The radio was tuned to a classical music station. Interesting! I usually listen to inspirational CD’s or songs while driving. I decided to give it a try and allowed the music to play. What a beautiful ride! It had such a healing impact on me. First, I listened to the different instruments, trying to guess what they are “saying”, almost like asking them: “What’s your story?” Then, I was able to let go and just allowed the music to flow into every cell of my body, my mind, my heart. Soon, I realize, that the thoughts and worries I had before were slowly “melting” into this wonderful creation of sound. When I got to the Heal Center I was relaxed, even before doing my meditation. I now enjoy classical music in my car when I drive.
