A few weeks ago I had the honor of attending a presentation by Barbara McAfee, a professional singer/songwriter, speaker, coach and consultant. This week, I’m recommending her book in my “Book of the Month” column but I’d also like to recommend attending one of her workshops, getting her CDs, or watching some videos on her website.
Barbara connects with the audience in a very heart-centered, personal, fun (and funny) way. She looks so comfortable and at ease when she plays the piano, sings her songs and tells her story. It felt to me like she was born to sing and to speak but she shared how she always struggled with it and how she has transitioned from a place of chronic vocal problems and insecurity to a place of conducting leaderships workshops, producing 6 CDs and passionately sharing her voice with the world. She helps many people to transform and heal their lives by finding their voice. To her, “finding a new voice means stepping outside of who you think you are, to expand your identity to include parts of yourself you may have left behind.”
I left her presentation full of joy and uplifted, and it only increased when I got to my car and put on her CD, “YES”. I was touched so deeply by her music, by her words and by her voice. I’m still addicted to this CD, and I asked her for permission to share my favorite song with you.
Before I let you listen to this powerful song, I would like to share with you something Barbara told me on the phone today. This song “landed in her hand” one day when she was taking a nap. The first verse emerged while she was napping and the next two verses came in a dream the next night. When you watch the video, you can see her rowing in a transparent canoe over the Mississippi River in her native city – Minneapolis.
Thank you, Barbara, for making a difference in the world.
Here is Barbara’s YES video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqexOh9I4Z0
“The voice emerges from the mysterious intersection of your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. For anything to get created, it must make the treacherous journey from the world of imagination to the physical world.
Your voice is the primary vehicle for making that journey.
If your “vehicle” breaks down on the way from the inside out, your gifts will remain locked inside you. If what you are saying is at odds with how you are saying it, your listeners may miss your message altogether. And without a connection with other human beings, your work can’t come alive in the world.”
This book is a practical guide to sharing your voice with the world. McAfee identifies five distinct vocal sounds – earth, fire, water, metal and air. By recognizing and accessing these different vibrations, one can become a better communicator.
I recently attended a presentation by the author where I learned about speaking utilizing the different elements. It was very inspiring and uplifting to be able to choose where to voice myself from.
This book is not only about voicing yourself… It is about being alive.
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Affirmation: I allow myself time to rest, reflect, and rejuvenate.
As we transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas and Hanukah, from November to December, we tend to be more sentimental or maybe even melancholy. Many people are experiencing low energy levels or passiveness. Spending more time than usual with family members around the holidays brings joy and a feeling of togetherness, but it can also be difficult and create a feeling of heaviness.
Past memories may be coming up to create a smile but also some tears.
If you feel stuck, stop beating yourself up for not being more active.
December is the last month of the year.
It is a perfect time to summarize, to reflect. Time to rest and prepare for the New Year.
January is a lot more energetic and there is a collective “new beginning” energy in the air.
Allow the month of December to be what it is – the last month of the year.
Allow yourself to enjoy the holiday-season and don’t beat yourself up if you’re not as active.
Tell yourself that it is a natural process of ending one year and starting another one.
What is your most important intention for December?
Every once in a while I have to remind myself that superheroes exist only in the movies, but in real life you are paying a huge price for trying to be one.
I used to suffer from the “Superwoman Syndrome”, and I still do sometimes.
- Do you ever push yourself too much?
- Are you the “Master of Multitasking”?
- Do you feel that you can do everything and that you should always be the best wife, mother, daughter, friend and professional?
If you answered yes to these questions, you might suffer from the “Superwoman Syndrome”.
The topic itself was first presented in 1984 by Marjorie Hansen Shaevitz. Her book The Superwoman Syndrome (for women trying to do it all—how to decide what’s important in your life and do it well), made headlines and increased awareness of the high cost to one’s life of this syndrome. It gave superwoman a label for their exhaustion but whether they used it as a drive to take personal control of their run-away lives is really up to them.
I am grateful for having enough tools in my “toolbox” to use when I feel that I am moving towards my old “Superwoman Syndrome”.
I would love to share my tools with you.
Join me tomorrow, Monday 11/28/2011 or Tuesday 11/29/2011
for my FREE “TIME FOR BALANCE” call.
During the call, I will show you how to take off the superwoman mask and become happier and healthier.
Register here: http://www.balancedmoments.com/time-for-balance/
If you have any insight about this topic, please share in the comment area and help other women!
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Affirmation: I allow my unlimited creativity to inspire myself and others.
I allow my unlimited creativity to inspire myself and others.
What are the first words that come up for you when you see the word CREATVITY?
Markers, paper, drawing, sculpture, art?
If those are your words, chances are you believe you are not creative.
How about adjusting your definition of creativity?
“Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.” – Mary Lou Cook
When you solve problems, when you cope with challenges, when you overcome fear – you are being creative.
When you challenge your thoughts and create more anabolic (positive) ones, you are being creative.
You have an unlimited source of creativity.
You just need to let go the beliefs that stop you from connecting to this wonderful resource.
This week, believe in your creative abilities. Adjust your definition and allow it to inspire yourself others.
Inspire others by writing a comment about your creativity.
Have fun!
I can feel it….it’s in the air….
The holiday season excitements: lots of shopping catalogs in the mail, holiday coupons, phone calls from family members. At the same time, people have their moments of frustrations: working hard to prepare, to make the house ready, so many things to do, don’t want to spend so much money again, do I really want to celebrate the holiday with “them” or do I have to?
In a few weeks, your stress level might be at its peak and then it will be harder to stop and take action to distress.
That’s why I want you to take your first step today.
In the next couple of weeks I am going to share with you my “break through your holiday season stress” method, but I am going to break it into small achievable steps. Why? Because I don’t want you to get overwhelmed. Especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.
Here is my promise to you:
If you do your part, starting today – you will approach the holidays in a way that’s more centered and balanced than ever before.
Based on my experience working with people through the holidays in previous years, here are the most common goals:
• To feel balanced and centered entering the holidays
• To have a set of tools to distress if necessary
• To communicate effectively with family members
• To have a realistic budget and to stay within it
• To feel energized and positive
• To find time for self-care
Some of these goals might be yours too or you might have different ones. That’s why I want you to personalize it and get to the bottom of this season’s stressors for you.
So click here to receive your Breaking through your Holiday-Season Stress Action Guide.
It’s a word document – not a PDF, so you can save it on your computer, make any changes you want, save it again and email it to me so I can give you feedback and support.
Your life will not change by listening or reading. Your life will change by taking action.
Take action now. It is FREE, it is fun and I will support you every step of the way.
Click here. Be proactive and prepare to break through your holiday season stress
Happy Holidays!
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Affirmation: I go at my own pace and I take things one day at a time.
We all have our moments where we feel overwhelmed. Things happen. Life pulls up in many directions. People around us might have expectations which are different than ours. Often we are too involved and only when we step back and detach from the situation we can get a clear picture of where things are.
This week presented a few challenges for me. I am used to see challenges as opportunities but sometimes I forget… so things got a little out of control. So what did I do? I paused and took some time to reflect. I read this inspiring quote:
“Today I will do everything that should be done. When it should be done, and as it should be done. I will perform the most difficult task first, because this will destroy the habit of procrastination, and develop the habit of action in its place!” -Napoleon Hill
I asked myself if I really have to do everything this week. I got clear with what really need to be done this week and what can wait. I got centered and could see things in a a different way. I was able to remember that I cannot change the facts but I can change my reaction. I also remembered that I can go at my own pace and take things one day at a time.
Whenever you are overwhelmed or simply feel that there is too much to do, say to yourself:
I go at my own pace and I take things one day at a time!
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Affirmation: I slow down so I can respond rather than react.
What’s the difference between responding to reacting?
What does slowing down have to do with this?
Reacting happens immediately, when your emotions take control or when you think that you have no other options. When you realize that you have choices and that you can manage your emotion, then you can respond.
One of my life-coaching clients is trying to create more inner peace in her life. She is always racing to do the next thing, taking care of everybody else but herself. After working with me for a few months, she was ready to allow herself to go away for a fun and relaxing weekend. When she came back, I asked her what was different. She said that the main difference was that when she slowed down, she was able to be more discerning and to be more particular. That way she doesn’t say automatically YES to EVRYTHING. She finally realized she has control over these decisions. She then created a simple daily routine to remind her to respond rather than react. A short centering & affirmation in the morning was what she chose.
In the moment, when lots is going on on and you are “on the go“ you forget that you have a choice. That’s where slowing down comes into the picture.
Slow down and ask yourself: What are the facts and what choices do I have?
Sticking to the facts does not mean denying your emotions. It simply means managing your emotions so you can respond wisely.
Being thoughtful rather than thoughtless can make the difference between a response and a reaction.
Share your thoughts. Would love to hear them!
For years I have struggled with having balance in my life. There was always something more important to do than taking care of myself and there was never enough time to do everything I have to.
Have I become less busy?
Did I find the magic cure for “I have so many things to do”?
Unfortunately, the answer is no.
But it became very clear to me, that I always have a choice, even when it feels like I don’t.
My business is more demanding than ever before. I am a lot busier, but I know that there are a few things I should always choose to do, no matter how busy I am. Before I tell you what they are I want to make sure you understand that these are the things that keep ME balanced. It doesn’t mean that same things will keep YOU balanced
Even when things are tough, I always:
1. Eat Healthy
I was heavy and unhealthy most of my life. Swinging between loosing and gaining weight, I finally found a program that worked for me. Almost 7 years ago, I lost 90 pounds and I maintain the weight since then. I plan ahead; I cook in advance, always make sure I have “emergency healthy food” in my freezer and I spend a few hours a week working a program of recovery from food addiction. Is there a room for improvement? Of course! I try to eat mindfully, sitting at the table and not doing anything else while eating. I still have meals that I eat next to the computer or while reading an article to get inspired for my blog… I would like to improve that and always eat mindfully because not only that the food tastes so good but I’m more satisfied and I also enjoy and relax at the same time.
2. Exercise.
I exercise 3 times a week. If I have an extremely busy week I exercise only twice. I love walking in nature but it is not enough for me. I integrate walking with exercising at the gym. When I sweat doing aerobics , when my heart rate rises, it clears my head. Many of my more inspiring ideas were born on the treadmill. There is something about the movement and the sweat that automatically releases tension for me (physical tension as well as emotional one). I do not use my iPhone to listen to music while training so I don’t get tempted to check emails. I use an iPOD that has only music, and some teleclass recording. Exercise is a great way for me to balance body and mind.
3. Get centered
I get centered no matter what is going on in my life. Getting centered means different things to different people. What does it mean for you? It might be yoga or meditation, walking in nature or inspirational reading. Whatever it is – if you do it daily, it changes the way you react to life. I get centered a few times a day: 20-minute meditation and self-Reiki early in the morning, 20-minute guided visualization nap some days in the afternoon and gratitude centering before bed. Throughout the day I remind myself to breath and I use affirmations when something feels off.
4. Do things I love
Many of you know how passionate I am about my work. I truly wake up excited to start my day every morning. Being a life-coach is not what I do, it is who I am. Very easily I get carried away to over work and do more than I want. I have to be very conscious about my choices. I don’t want to feel like it’s all about work and nothing else. Eventually it will drain me. That’s why I remember to do other things I enjoy. This is an important balance factor in my life. And I’m really talking about simple things: listen to music rather than a recorded teleclass, watching a movie in the theatre so I can “turn off” my thoughts, taking evening walks with my husband and our dog, going out with my husband at least once a week, watching plays, meeting friends for tea (I stay away from coffee). It’s those small enjoyable moments that make all the difference.
Is it perfect? No. Some weeks are better than others. Some days are better than others. These 4 areas are at the top of my priority list. They are very important for me. And of course there are other balance actions that I take when I choose: getting a massage, going away, reading a fun book, resting, taking a workshop and many more fun activities.
It ‘s all about having less stress and more balance.
What are your non-negotiable balance actions? Please share!
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Affirmation: I respect and value family time and I make sure I am present.
You ever feel like your life is all about work?
How many times have you promised to make family a priority and spend more time with them?
It’s actually not just about how much time you spend with them, but about how present you are when you’re with them.
Create a realistic block of family time. During this time, do not accept calls, texts, emails or thoughts about other stuff! If you start thinking about work, concentrate on topics that will create a connection between you and your family. Listen; really listen to what they say and acknowledge them for what they just told you. Be engaged in the conversation; don’t let your mind distract you.
10 minutes of your undivided attention is worth more than 30 minutes of scattered attention.
2 hours of doing a fun activity, fully present, might feel better to you than spending a whole day going back and forth between your family and communication with others.
Discuss it with your family members. Ask them how you can all make family time valued and respected.
This week, respect and value family time and be present.
“We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away”. – Chuang Tzu
Every autumn, nature puts on a brilliant show of color in many parts of the United States. From dark greens, yellows and reds, different shadows of brown, the leaves transform, showing their rich and vibrant hues. Depending of where you are on the globe, fall brings different memories and feelings.
What is fall for you?
Is it a time for reflection and going within?
Or maybe the colors make you so vibrant and open-hearted that you want to spend most of your time outside and share your joy?
Many people become sentimental in October, and family gathering and memories come up as the holidays approach. As we feel the change of season, we might miss our relatives that have passed and are no longer here to celebrate the holidays with us. We might have memories which connect us to love and gratitude and makes us smile.
As the season alters your mood, being present is a little “Autumn Gift” you can give to yourself to help experience inner peace and a feeling of being centered and connected.
Here are 6 Mindfulness Rituals for Autumn:
Walk slowly. Take breaks throughout the day, even for few minutes and walk slowly while looking at the trees. Pay attention to the colors, allow yourself to stop and enjoy the change of season. Stand in your backyard for 5 minutes, mindfully looking around.
Drink your tea slowly. As the weather changes and it is less warm outside, treat yoruself with some new teas, different flavors, different types and drink at least one cup of tea every day, Drink mindfully, noticing how the cup feels in your hand and paying attention to how it makes you feel, without doing anything else at the same time. Just you and the tea.
Look at someone gratefully. Each day, find someone you care about. Instead of just seeing what you always see, really look at the person. (Try not to be creepy!) See this person for the miracle that they are, and be grateful for their existence. If you’re feeling generous, tell that person how thankful you are for them.
Stare at a tree (or even at a picture of an autumn tree) or the leaves on the ground, for 5 minutes each day. Just sit in silence. Become aware of your thoughts. Focus on your breathing. Notice the world around you. Ask yourself in what ways does this tree represent you?
Get centered by raking your leaves. Raking the leaves doesn’t have to be a forced job on your to-do-list. See it as an opportunity to use a repetitive motion, with a consistent sound supported by the beauty of the colors, as an act of centering. Be in the moment and allow your head to be clear of worries and concerns and to simply rake the leaves. It will relax you automatically.
Start each day with your daily autumn intention: Today, I let go of….. and I welcome….
Remind yourself that the change of season is a letting go of the old and an invitation for the new to unfold. Every day, set the intention to let go of something small and invite something new into your life.
Here are some examples – take it and make it your own:
I let go of hurrying and I welcome slowing down
I let go of being stuck and I welcome growth
I let go of old clothes and I welcome new ones
Which rituals are you going to adopt?
What is your daily intention for today?
Write me back. Would love to hear from you.
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Affirmation: I put my baggage down and I welcome change.
If you think that you cannot change no matter how much you try, you are not alone. Many people try to change but they do the same things over and over again and expect different results. It is not about working hard. It’s about finding new ways to look at yourself, a way that will be more supportive of your goals.
I was happily surprised by how meaningful my post, putting your baggage down is a must if you want to change, was for my readers.
A few of my clients shared with me the next day that the idea that they carry their past in a suitcase and they can choose to stop carrying it was like a light bulb for them. One of my clients burst into tears the minute we started to talk and said: “That’s it! It’s all about the suitcase I carry! In my suitcase it says in big letters: something is wrong with me! I’m ready to put the suitcase down”.
Another client wrote to me:
“I woke up this morning ready to start letting go of this baggage I’ve been carrying around. I was actually making the mental picture of me filling suitcases with fears and blocks and putting them on an escalator to God. The image of the suitcase staring at me is such an important reminder for me!”
Today’s affirmation is for you, if you feel that your suitcase is too heavy and you’re ready to put it down.
I can help you change, but you’re the only one who can choose to put your baggage down.
Every morning this week, ask yourself: “In what way am I willing today to put my baggage down?”
Send me a quick email with your intention for the day. You might want to start your email with:
“Today I’m willing to put my……. down”. (Fear, suffering, thinking I’m not good enough, beating myself up). Be authentic. Take this affirmation and make it your own.
Think about a suitcase being packed before you leave your house in the morning. It is being packed with all your past exigencies that you are not ready to leave behind you. All day, you carry this suitcase with you everywhere you go. You take it to work, you take it to the gym (you might store it in the locker room for an hour but from time to time you make sure it’s still there), and you even take it with you to the bathroom. Sometimes, you place it very close to your bed at night.
It is heavy. So why do you still carry it?
What’s your pay-off, of carrying the suitcase around?
When we are making choices based on our past experiences, we cannot change our future unless the control of the past is removed. We need to learn to make conscious choices, choices that are made in the present moment, without all the emotional “baggage” we carry around.
This baggage that is being carried around is dictating how we see the world and holds us back reaching our unlimited potential.
What’s in the suitcase? Different type of blocks. For example: limiting beliefs.
Beliefs can either help you or hinder you; limiting beliefs are those that hold you back from success. If you do not believe something is possible, you’re not likely to attempt it. Even if you do attempt it, you won’t devote much energy to achieving that goal.
Limiting beliefs are general beliefs about the world, your environment and situation, and the people around you that stand in your way. More often than not, you accept a limiting belief as true because you’ve learned it from someone else, or from an “authority,” such as the media, a book, or a movie. You assume that it’s “just the way it is.”
Here is a classic example of a limiting belief: Up until 1954, it was commonly held that running a mile in under four minutes was impossible. Moreover, physiologists believed it was extremely dangerous even to attempt it. Yet on May 6 of that year, Roger Bannister crossed the finish line in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds, thereby disproving the myth forever.
It’s remarkable that Bannister accomplished his feat. It required that he completely ignore the prevailing, limiting belief and construct an entirely different belief system for himself. What others saw as a limitation, he perceived as opportunity. And once he disproved the presumed limits of the human body, less than two months later, another runner, John Landy, broke Bannister’s record with a mile dash of 3 minutes and 57.9 seconds. What’s more, within just a few years, dozens of runners were leaving the four-minute mark in the dust.
Here are a couple of common limiting beliefs that hold many of us back. How about you have to work really hard to achieve success? Or that successful people are lucky? Or that you have to have money to make money? Or how about that you always have to take care of others or that you have to be available for your kids 24/7?
There are several ways to challenge limiting beliefs. You can explore the effect the belief has had on your life, look for proof of its truth (or lack of proof), or modify the belief or aspects of the belief to better serve you. Simply examining the belief with questions like “How true do I believe that is?” and the rhetorical “Where did I get that idea?” can also work remarkably well. Once you overcome limiting beliefs, they can no longer hold you back.
Think about examining the contents of your limiting beliefs suitcase. Unpack it, and see how much lighter you feel.
Need help unpacking? Make a comment about the contents of your suitcase. I’ll give you tips on easy unpacking!
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Affirmation: I deserve to have plenty of money because I add value to people’s lives
While I was training to become a life-coach I also hired a coach to help me grow my business. One of the things I’ve learned is that limiting beliefs around money can create a real block in life. For years, I mistakenly thought that I shouldn’t charge much for what I do. I thought that the universe would somehow pay me back for my good deeds. In reality, the universe kept sending me messages that it’s time to charge appropriately for my services.
When I broke through my money blocks, I began to attract abundance into my life.
Today, I feel confident to charge for my services because I watch people make powerful changes in their lives as a result of working with me. In fact, I believe that an exchange of energy is essential for success, and money is one of these exchanges.
You should always charge people from a heart-centered place and not from a place of ego, remembering the value you add to their lives.
Instead of feeling insecure about yourself, focus on your value; your unique way of making a difference in other people’s lives.
Remember the following rule: when you value yourself and your work and feel that you deserve to charge money for what you do, people will value you and benefit tremendously from your work.
This week, think about money as a service tool – a tool that helps you share your gifts with the world.
I’m not a relationship expert. I’m a balance expert. But I know from my own experience and from my readers and my clients, how improving your relationship is part of living a balanced life. Here are my top four “Do more in relationships” and my top four “Do less in relationships” that have brought great results to both me and my clients.
Do more:
- Spend time together – just the two of you. If you feel that there is never enough time to do everything you want to do, you are right: there is never enough time unless you make the time. It’s very simple. If you get caught up with work, kids and other responsibilities, you’re choosing to place your relationships at the end of your list. Schedule time in your calendar (after consulting with your spouse of course) for fun time together. Sit together and agree on the best way for the two of you: blocking time in your calendars twice a week? Getting a sitter every Saturday night? Book tickets for movies and shows in advance? Plan a romantic vacation? Don’t make your spouse do it (especially if you’re a woman…). See how both of you can make it work. Share with them why this is important for you.
- PBS – Pause, Breath, Smile. When you’ve finally made the time to be together, use one of my favorite “Be in the moment” techniques: create a relaxed, in-the-moment space where you connect, your share and you feel. How do you transition the from craziness of life to an effortless being in the moment? By “PBSing”. You pause (gives you time to step back and observe), you breath (helps you to automatically connect to the moment) and smile (helps you to change your posture, your attitude and release tension).
- Be loving and intimate. Remember how it was when you first met? How about reliving it today? Give affection to your partner instead of expecting them to give first. Hug. Kiss. Touch. Greet them when they come home. Smile at them. Cuddle in bed together. Be the first one!
- Communicate. Whatever it is: talk about it. Whenever you can: ask questions. Do you resent your partner for something? Share how you feel and ask him – with lots of curiosity – what happened? Share your feelings instead of blaming or criticizing them. Always think before you talk: how can I phrase it as a question so they don’t feel attacked? Here are some examples of questions:
- I’m curious to know how you felt after our conversation last night
- What went through your head when you said that?
- What are some ideas you have around…
And one more thing about communication – acknowledge them as much as you can. Especially if you’re planning a tough conversation; acknowledge them first and then ask lots of questions.
Do less:
- Stop focusing on what they do that drives you crazy and focus on what you like about them. Who were they when you fell in love? What were their gifts and attributes? They are still the same person. Change you focus and you’ll see that.
- Control and fix them. The only person you can control and fix is yourself. Stop controlling them and trying to fix them. Remember that when you point your finger towards somebody, blaming them for something they have done, there are three other fingers left pointing towards yourself. Most of the times, we tend to blame others instead of cleaning our side of the street. Look at your side. How can you fix it? Share with your partner what you are willing to change instead of demanding them to change their part.
- Expect them to read your mind, understand your needs and know what you want.
- Expect them to be perfect 100% of the times 24/7. Are you????
My only other advice to you is- allow yourself to take small steps. Look at the above list and prioritize what you want to start with, what you feel comfortable starting with. Choose one “more” item and one “less” item for this week. When it works, add other items.
Would you like me to hold you accountable?
Email me your personalized list and your commitment for this week.
Please write in the subject line: “My personalized do more – do less list” so I can easily find your email between the tons of emails I get every day. I promise to email you back within 24 hours and give your feedback.
