A big part of what I do is to help people to be present: to focus on the Here and Now. Being present is the first step one should take towards using improvisation in life. What’s the connection between presence and improvisation and why are they important?
In her book Aesthetic Intelligence, Rochelle T. Mucha PH.D gives an example of how being present and improvising is important in the performing arts when she says that: “an actor may study a script and internalize every line, but the actor knows that when he or she steps out onto the stage, the other cast members will likely offer something new, something they must accept and respond on the spot. Actors must accept what they are given. Failing to do so will cause a ripple of unwelcomed events.“
Presence for an actor is not negotiable. Presence for any other artist is not negotiable. Often I watch my son, who is a Jazz musician, performing with a Jazz trio where there is a lot of improvisation going, and I can see how present he is and so focused in order to create something collectively as the group. Improvisation would not be possible for those musicians if they were not able to be present.
The same goes for everybody: business people, teachers, parents and actually every human being. We all face situations where we have to work without a script. We are constantly improvising. Even when we have a plan, we usually have to make changes. Pre-planning only gets us so far. Whether talking to your children or your boss, you know that you can’t totally script things in advance.
If you create a daily routine of activities that help you to be present, you will perform better when you need to improvise.
What are simple ways you become present? Would love for you to write a comment and share with me!
Can you believe that it is time to say goodbye? Does it feel like they were just born? Do you look at then thinking: “I remember the day they were…”
Leaving your child at college can be an emotional experience. It was for me, when my son left for college 3 years ago. I did not expect it to be so emotional, but it was. It was harder for me and for my husband. My son was completely ready. I remember thinking that if I’ll be very organized and help him prepare in advance, the process will be easier for me. But it wasn’t. What I learned is that it is completely normal and understandable to be sad and even to feel grief. Your mind knows that it is time and that they are ready. But your heart cries inside. Don’t feel guilty for being sad. Don’t expect yourself to be strong, perfect and a super-parent. Acknowledge your feelings. Accept them. Talk with someone who has done it before and ask for support. Plan something nurturing for yourself for the days after saying good bye.
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Today we had a bad drain clog. It was bad and ugly. The plumber found that tree roots were the cause. When I was done cleaning the floors, I remembered that a dear friend of mine once told me that a clogged drain might symbolizes a suppressed issue or blockage, and the release of the drain means that time has come to let it go.
Surprisingly (or maybe not?) a few hours after the plumber left, I spoke with a family member on the phone, became very emotional and had a very good cry… one of those cries which feels very freeing.
It made me think – was there a connection between my cry and the clogged drain?
On my flight back home I read the book “Book Yourself Solid” by Michael Port. Port says: “Part of what keeps us stuck is that we take ourselves, and the process, too seriously”.
I can relate to this. Sometimes, I turn something small into a big deal and I get frustrated from not being able to move forward. What do I do to release the blockage? I approach the problem with an attitude of PLAY and with CURIOSITY.
How do I do that?
By closing my eyes, taking a few deep breaths and leting myself off the hook.
By taking a different or unexpected move that will bring some lightness or humor into the situation. If I leave the problem and do something playful or fun in the meantime, chances are big that when I come back I will be able to solve the problem. This is known in psychology too. “Sleep on it” has a scientific basis.
Feeling stuck? Let yourself of the hook, take it easy, and approach the problem with a sense of play and curiosity.
Here is a question I love to ask my clients: If a fairy appeared through the window and told you she can arrange your life to be exactly like you want it to be, what would you say?
So today, for my Birthday, I am asking myself the same question. Here is what I would tell the fairy:
I don’t just want my life to be a little bit better, I want it to be much better. I’d like it to be extraordinary, amazing. I want to maximize my potential. I’d like to wake up every morning enthusiastic and passionate about life. I want to love every moment of it. I want to be the best of myself. I want to “upgrade” my life in every way I can. I would like to have abundance and prosperity.
Years ago, my speech to the fairy would be different. I would only tell her that I am grateful for everything I have and I don’t want anything else. Today, for my Birthday, I would like to think big. That’s what I ask my clients to do, and today – that’s what I am asking myself to do. Think big.
What would you ask for if you could have anything you want for your Birthday?
There are so many areas in my life in which I would like to grow, to change, to develop, and to add something. There is also so much action and excitement in my life. I know that I am lucky and feel grateful for it.
At the same time, it can feel like I am riding the express train and life is passing by me too fast.
Do I need to slow down? Is life happening too fast?
Watching my dad taking his first couple of steps since the surgery I realize:
Baby Steps!
That’s my lesson. Getting so excited about things is fine, but I can take baby steps and commit myself fully to one thing at a time. I don’t have to do it all at once.
Do you ever feel that you want to stop the ‘train of life’ which is riding so fast?
Look at your life. In what areas do you need to slow down and take baby steps?
The morning of day 4 brings lots of improvement. My dad is calmer, hallucinating less and he even recognizes us. Yesterday was the hardest day for me so far and I still feel a little shaken. I am motivated to do whatever it takes to get back on track and get centered. If I close my eyes I will not be able to watch my dad. I am not even sure I can meditate right now because my mind is racing. I need to be creative and modify my exercises. I try different exercises I have in my “Tool Box” until I come up with the following routine, do it a few times and become much more centered:
Step 1 – Scan the Body
Gazing at one point on the wall in front of me, I pay attention to my breathing and I start to scan my physical body. I realize that my body is very tense. Some muscles are stiff, other areas are sore. I simply breathe and notice the sensations. I identify where in my body I feel the tension. I am a little surprised; there are so many areas!
Step 2 – Follow my Breath
After noticing the tension, it is time to release it. This doesn’t always require a conscious effort – sometimes simply noticing it can be enough. Still gazing at the wall, I start to notice my breathing. I focus on the moment between the inhale and exhale and I imagine each breath cycle as an infinity symbol, ∞. The breathing helps me to release the tension from my body.
Step 3 – Notice my Thoughts
My body is more relaxed. Now it is time to check what is going on with my mind. While breathing, I start to notice my thoughts. And there are so many! No wonder my mind is racing! I name the thoughts as they come up without engaging with their content. I say to my self “Thinking” when I recognize a thought. If no thought comes up, I return my attention to the breath.
Notice your body, follow your breath and be aware of your thoughts.
It is day 3. My dad is the same and it is really hard for me to watch him behave like a different person. Lots of feelings are coming up for me: worry, fear, sadness, but also some gratitude and peace.
There is nothing I can do right now to fix the situation. I know that I should allow myself to feel these feelings.
I decide to use my notepad as a journal. I let my pen to lead my hand through pages of writing. I write whatever comes up. I don’t try to make it pretty. I write everything: the pain and the sorrow, the hope and the joy.
From time to time, I hear my dad in the background talking to himself. Some of his imaginary stories are really funny! I allow myself to laugh. After all – sense of humor is important in a time like that.
After writing pages and pages I feel a relief. It feels good to acknowledge the feelings and then to release them.
Your daily balance tip: Write it all out!
Motivated to focus on the positive, today I arrived at the hospital to find my dad not as aggressive as he was on Day 1, but very confused and hallucinating all the time. A few hours later, he did not recognize us and was engaged in imaginary conversations with some imaginary friends. I decided to make a gratitude list to regain a balanced perspective. It was hard at first, but with some work I was able to come up with a list of things I am grateful for despite the difficult situation.
- My dad who is busy with his own little world and doesn’t have to see himself like I do
- The ability to be present for him
- All the people who love him and care about him
- All the people who support me
- My active spiritual practice which provides me with practical tools to stay sane in a time like this
- My family
- Hospital staff, especially those who really care
- This blog, which gives me an opportunity to write and keep the energy moving
- Hope, Trust and the Divine
Whatever is going on in your life – Make a Gratitude list!
It is the day of the surgery. After saying goodbye to my dad, we had a few hours to kill in the waiting area. As the hours pass by, the tension level is getting higher. It is hard to be in a situation where someone you love is going though a potentially dangerous procedure, while you have no control and can’t do anything to help. You just need to wait. Finally, we get the news the surgery is over and it was a success. But then it all starts. Escorting my dad back to his room in the hospital, we are told that he had an extreme reaction to the anesthesia. He becomes confused and aggressive, screaming and trying to pull out the different tubes connected to him. The next couple of hours are hard and it was very traumatic for me to see my dad losing all his defense mechanism and common sense and acting wild, almost like an animal. Although my mind understand that it is a normal reaction for some people after surgery, it is very hard on my heart to see my dad like that. We hired a private nurse for the night. Driving back from the hospital at night, it suddenly hit me:
I can choose to dwell in today’s experience or I can choose to move forward.
I can choose to get stuck in how traumatic today was for me or I can accept it and hope for a better day tomorrow
When talking to other people, I can focus on how hard it was for me, or I can state the facts and share my hopes.
I can not change the facts, but I can change my reaction.
I would like to dedicate this week’s blog to my dad, who is recovering from a surgery. Sitting next to his bed in the hospital, I will share my experiences and thoughts with you daily.
I will start my hospital blog tomorrow and my intention is to try and use my many years of experience with healing, meditation and positive thinking to keep me balanced in the next coming days. I would love you to be there with me and to share your insight.
Happy 4th of July!
Michal
I remember watching the movie starring Will Smith “The Pursuit of Happiness”. Chris Gardner is a salesman who was, at times, homeless. Eventually he worked his way into becoming a stockbroker. Is the premise of the movie that happiness is something to be pursued? Or maybe the idea is that poverty is a function of bad luck and bad choices, and success the result of heroic dreams?
I think that any life experience can turn into an opportunity for growth and we can make a choice to look for the positive side of it. In fact, our mind is the true source of happiness. You can look at any given situation and ask yourself:
If you are one of those people who easily maintain balance, inner peace and serenity, you can stop here. If your stress level is usually low – today’s entry is not for you. Spend your time reading one of my other entries.
If you find yourself in daily situations where you are so engaged in your work and your “To Do” lists that your body is aching, your muscles are sore and your stress level is high at the end of the day – please keep reading.
When we stressed out, our first physical reaction is that we stop breathing. We either hold our breath or we breathe shallowly instead. The result is the opposite of what we need: we become more stressed out. The best way to get out of this cycle is simply to BREATHE.
Are you too busy to breathe? You know it’s important but you don’t remember?
Set your alarm to remind you to breathe. How about every hour? When you hear the alarm – stop doing whatever it is that you do, even if it is very important, stand up and stretch, step away from your desk, and take 5 deep breaths. If possible, bring your hands up when inhaling and bring them down while exhaling. It will only take 2-3 minutes – but your brain will become so clear and focused that you will do a better job when you get back to work.
Give it a try. Even for one day. How did it go?
Family vacations are always fun. For me, they are even better when they involve the beach, ocean and sunsets. My daughter took this photo yesterday while I was sitting next to her on the beach and gazing into this beautiful sunset. It is a wonderful way to meditate: Just to sit on the beach, look at the sunset and allow yourself to sink in. But what if you are sitting at your home or office and there is no way you can get to the beach now? I find that even a photo can be a worthy substitute and serve as a mini-vacation without all the travel.
Look at this picture and follow the steps:
1. Sit in a comfortable position and gaze in the direction of the picture.
2. While breathing, imagine the sound of the waves.
3. Synchronize the feeling/sound of the waves with your breath.
4. Feel your heart opens while you are breathing and looking at the picture
5. Release all thoughts and worries into the direction of the sun.
6. Fill your heart with gratitude for the sun, the sky, the ocean and EVERYTHING ELSE you have.
7. Say to yourself: No matter what is going on in my life, the sun continues to rise in the morning and set at night.
How do you feel?
Why do I invite you to look at your hand?
Because Intentional Noticing is another simple way to bring balance into your life.
Let’s look at these 2 words: “Intentional” and “Noticing”.
An on-line dictionary defines Intentional as done deliberately and having to do with intention and defines Noticing as The act of noting or observing, perception or attention.
Why did I even look it up?The other day, I was interviewing Sandy Bramlett for my “Ask the Expert” series. I ask the experts I interview for easy tips to bring balance into my life. Sandy led me (and all of you who can still listen to the interview) in an exercise of spending a few minutes observing your hand. I have been practice this exercise every day since then, and it works. I feel that it makes me present, especially if I also stay aware of my breath, and it takes me away from my thoughts, my worries, my “To Do” lists and everything else.
For those five minutes, it is only me observing my hand – a taste of freedom.
Today’s tip:
Observe your hand. All directions, all aspects: look, posture, texture, color, shape, touch. 5 minutes. That’s all you need. Let me know what you have noticed.
