A few weeks ago, Steve Jobs stepped down as CEO of Apple Inc., a company he co-founded in 1976.
I am always curious about leaders and how they balance work/life, and the journey that brought them to where they are. I believe we’re all leaders, either by default or by choice. If we want to improve ourselves as human beings, as leaders, we can get energized and inspired by other leaders like Steve Jobs.
The two most interesting facts I learned about Jobs:
- Steve never graduated from college! He dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months.
- He was fired form Apple (yes, from his own company) when he was 30 years old, 1 year after inventing the Macintosh computer.
This made me even more curious. I found very interesting and inspiring information when I read a commencement speech he gave in 2005 in Stanford.
His working-class parents spent all their saving on his college tuition. Six months after he started college, he did not see the value in it and dropped out. He had no way of knowing at the time that a calligraphy class he took outside of college after dropping out would be useful ten years later, when he was designing the first Macintosh computer. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If he hadn’t dropped out, he wouldn’t have taken this course and computers today might not have the typography they do.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward”, says Jobs in the commencement address, “you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
At 30, Jobs was devastated when he was fired from Apple. He realized that he should continue to do what he loves so and acquired Pixar, the computer animation studio. He is credited as the executive producer of Toy Story, the first feature film made entirely using computer generated animation. Again – there was no way for him to know that being fired from Apple would make him connect to his creativity in a new way. He later returned to Apple, bringing his new creative attitude.
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
What I learned from Steve Jobs’ story is that you always have to live like today is the last day of your life. If today was your last day, would you want to do what you are doing right now?
Fear often keeps us stuck where we are. The universe provides us with opportunities. Do we grab them or do we let them pass by?
If you get a kick in the butt, don’t stop believing in yourself. Start with what you love doing. Only do what you love. Don’t compromise. Find what out what it is.
Trust.
Believe in yourself.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”
If you got inspired from Jobs’ story as much as I did, please write me back and share what inspired you.
Letting go of your children is tough, at any age.
It’s natural to try to protect our children and remain in control even as they grow and become more independent. We need to consciously change our tendency. In order to grow healthy, they need us to cut the apron strings so they can start to experience life by themselves. It is hard to find the balance between taking care and letting go, between protecting (or overprotecting) them and allowing them to grow.
My 18-year-old daughter just graduated from high school and left home. My son, 22, left home for college 4 years ago and is now back for a while. I am trying to learn from the experience of my son leaving to cope with my daughter leaving. Hearing the choir of worry, doubt and fear in my head, I reach out to my support team (my coach, my husband, girl friends, spiritual teachers, books and speakers) and they remind me of what I already know: it is very normal to have those thoughts and emotions; it is natural to go through some grief and sadness. One of my friends told me this week that tears come when they want, they don’t work on a schedule. I had to be reminded that it’s OK to cry from time to time, that it’s OK to be sad. It’s a question of whether we dwell in the pain or grow from it. My daughter leaving fills my heart with sadness and fear but also with joy and pride, excitement and blessing. It’s all part of the package.
As I look back, here are 8 tips on letting go of your children:
- Start when they are young – even when they are young, you can allow your children to practice and enjoy the freedom of choice. Give them options and let them choose, instead of micro managing and telling them what to do.
- Allow them to make their own mistakes – accept that sometimes they will have to learn the hard way. Even if you know the answer, sometimes you have to let them find out on their own. If you take their learning experience away from them, you are disabling them. If they are 8 and they miss an activity because they did not follow your rules, they will remember the consequence as they grow older. You don’t need to tell them “I told you so”. They know! Just let them make the connection in their heads between their choices and the consequences.
- Discuss your expectations & set boundaries – Whether your children are young, teenagers, or even young adults, they need to hear your expectations and to know your boundaries in order to feel safe. They might scream when you tell to be home on a certain hour, but it is your job as a parent to make the rules so you feel comfortable to let go and give them some freedom – with boundary.
- Trust them instead of rescuing them – If you rescue them all the time, you don’t leave room for them to come up with solutions for their problems. Trust that they have good judgment and create a space for them to try. They can’t do it when they feel pressured.
- Always keep hugging them – They are never too old. It will help you and them!
- Let go of your worries and fears – Ask yourself: ”What’s the worst that could happen?” (…and see if it’s realistic.) Most of the times you will realize that the fear is in your head. Figure out if your fear is rational or irrational. Get to the bottom of what worries you, and let go.
- Model independence and self-care – Take care of yourself, create space and time for you to have quiet time and nurture yourself. Even if it means taking a babysitter when they’re young or shutting your bedroom door to rest when they’re older, you’re modeling self-care to them.
- Get support for yourself – acknowledge that letting go is a hard job for a parent. Reach out to people who care about you, both professionals and those who’ve had similar experiences. Don’t do it all by yourself.
Allow your children to fly away using their own wings. You have given them the foundations and the tools to grow.
Please share your number one tip on letting go of your children. Our readers love it when you share and inspire them!
Does it ever feel to you like you have no life, only work?
Do you ever blame your company/boss/colleagues for making your life miserable… for making you work all the time?
Here is the news: it is not their fault. Even if you feel that you don’t have a choice, that you have to stay at your current job for the money, or even if you love your job but still feel like your life is out of balanced, the truth is that…
You have a choice.
You can take responsibility for your life, and create a life well-lived.
First, watch this short video and see if you can relate to it.
Do you relate?
No worries. It’s an easy-fix. Continue reading my step by step roadmap:
Read More Comments OffIn our 24/7 society, where we are always on the go… doing, achieving, overcoming, improving (and of course, growing – both in age and in personal development), it is normal for us to sleep less. There is a limited amount of hours per day, and as we do more, we tend to take care of ourselves less. In fact, being so excited about my life-coaching business, I sometimes find myself so energized and “high” from living my passion that I go to bed later than I want, and I end up sleeping 6 hours or less. As I noticed this new pattern in the last couple of months, I thought that it was okay, since I am happy and enthusiastic about life. I was wrong. It is great to do something you love and to be so energized and engaged in it, but our body still needs an average of seven hours sleep per night.
A recent sleep study at University of London checked the effects of sleeping patterns over a five-year period. The scientists found that a decrease in sleep during our middle age affects cognitive function in later life. They measured memory, reasoning, vocabulary, phonemic fluency, semantic fluency and global cognitive status and found that seven hours of sleep per night result in highest scores for every cognitive measure.
One of the findings that really amaze me is that if we sleep too little or too long, it disrupts how we think and can age the brain by up to seven years.
I know some people over 70 who are completely clear, and their brain functions very well. Unfortunately, I’m also watching my dad’s brain getting worse and function less every day as his Alzheimer’s progresses.
What are some simple things we can do to prevent our brain from diminished its function?
Getting enough sleep is definitely one of them.
Senior research fellow Jane Ferrie: ”The main result to come out of our study was that adverse changes in sleep duration appear to be associated with poorer cognitive function in later-middle age. Researchers found the ideal amount of sleep duration of seven hours per night resulted in the highest score for every cognitive measure, followed closely by six hours of nightly sleep.”
So what am I going to do differently?
At this point, I plan to use this knowledge and remember to get enough sleep, at least a few times a week. So the next time I’m too hyper after a fulfilling day of coaching, I’ll make sure I take some down time and do something relaxing before going to bed. This way my energy is balanced, calm and I am ready to have sweet dreams. Starting my “down time” a little earlier (even if it means replying to evening emails the next day) will help me support my intention to sleep more!
How about you? How long do you sleep? What’s your plan?
Last week we discussed closing the gap between dream and reality. Let’s say that you took the first step: you imagined your dream, and you honestly compared it to your current situation. If you did this, you should now be clear about the gap; you understand where you are and where you want to be.
Let’s demonstrate our process with a real example. Imagine that you would like to create balance between your work and your family. You create an image of your current life: over-worked, over-stressed, and exhausted. You also create an image of your future life: you’ve set boundaries at your job and enjoy a well-balanced social life, whatever that entails for you. You took the first step to identify the gap.
Now on to the real work!
- Let’s figure out what’s stopping you to get from A to B.
Identify potential external blocks such a lack of time, money or expertise.
Identify some potential internal blocks such beliefs you grew up with, assumptions about what you can or can’t do. - Check where the blocks come from.
Let’s say you have a belief that you can never work hard enough and can’t afford to rest. Understanding where the notion came from will help you realize that it’s just a contingent belief that can be changed. - Come up with an alternative empowering statement for each block.
For example: “It is fine for me to feel that I always have to work harder because that was the message I got from my parents, but today I choose to create a balance of work, rest, and fun in my life”. - Come up with an action plan to get from A to B.
What’s the very first step, something you can do immediately? Make sure your expectations are realistic and achievable. Use the SMART technique to check the effectiveness of your plan. - Translate your action plan into tangible appointments in your calendar.
For example, if you decided to take time once a week for fun and 20 minutes every day for rest – write it in your calendar, just like you’d write anything for work. - Support your action plan with a Daily Balance Practice.
When you’re centered and peaceful, you have a better chance of succeeding.
What are you willing to do to get centered every day? Meditation? Journaling? Yoga? Walking in nature?
One of my clients told me this week that she was so into “magical thinking” (Law of Attraction, Positive Thinking etc.) that she never did the footwork necessary to make the changes she desired. Identifying her blocks helped her take action to close the gap and it’s getting smaller every day.
Here’s another real example from one of my clients. Cindy had a business that remained stagnant for years. When we started working together, her goal was to become a successful businesswoman that generates millions of dollars. Working on her blocks surrounding money and wealth, Cindy realized that one of her biggest blocks is that she only wants to do the fun parts of building her business without the “dirty” work required. We broke down her goals into simple, achievable steps that she commits to do every week while I hold her accountable. After breaking through this block, Cindy is moving fast and her gap is becoming smaller and smaller every day.
What about you? Where are you now and where do you want to be?
What are you willing to do to close the gap?
How about getting support?
Email me or write a comment, and I will contact you shortly to help you close your gap.
Draw two dots on a piece of paper and connect them with a line. What kind of line did you draw? Straight? Zigzag? Dotted?
Let’s say that one dot represents your current life (where you are) and the second dot represents your dream life (where you want to be). What’s the best way to get from point A to point B?
Yesterday, I was inspired by my client Lisa. Lisa was amazed by the progress she has made in the last couple of weeks. She said that the difference between coaching with me different and previous coaching/therapy experiences is my ability to show her how to close the gap. At first, I wasn’t sure what she meant. But after she explained, it made sense: Lisa always had a dream. She knows who she wants to be but she’s had no success getting there after years of work.
Why? Because the two dots were so far apart and the distance seemed impossible to bridge. She had almost given up until we started to work together.
It made me think: For years, I connected my dream/reality dots with a zigzag line. I would move two steps forward and three backwards. I would shift to the right and then to the left. My journey was tiring, frustrating and unsatisfactory.
The change happened when I started my training with iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) and worked with one of their coaches. I became an expert in helping people, including myself, to close the gap.
The key is breaking it down and taking clear baby steps.
In today’s world, we are always on the go. We move fast; what’s relevant today will not be relevant tomorrow. We want to see results now. We lose our patience.
For me, and many of my clients, the best way to connect the dots is with a dotted line – one dot at a time until you reach the destination.
Baby steps.
Slowly.
Breaking it down.
Your goal is to get to the next dot on the dotted line. And after you get to the next dot, take another small step to the next one. Keep going.
Create a vision. Get clear with your dream. When you are ready to take an action, draw the line one dot at a time.
Close your eyes. Imagine your life 6 months from now. Think big. Have no limitations. See where you are, what you do, what is different in your life. Notice all the details. Be open to accept whatever comes up. Observe yourself, 6 months from now, in different areas of your life: work, friends, health, spirituality and fun. Take your time.
Now, imagine your current reality. Allow the gap to be there. Look at the 2 images at the same time: your current reality and your dream life.
What have you noticed?
How did you close the gap?
What’s your first baby step?
What’s the next baby step?
When you are done with the visualization open your eyes and take notes.
Repeat the visualization two to three times a week until you feel that you have enough information about how to close the gap.
After doing the visualization for a while, and having your dreams/vision written down, you have taken the first step towards closing the gap: getting a clear picture of your reality and your dream. This awareness by itself has already shifted your energy. But there is more. Look for my blog next Sunday: Closing the gap between dreams to reality – the real work.
This blog is dedicated to all mothers who are transitioning to an empty nest; those who still have adult kids at home, and those whose nest will be completely empty soon.
Please share this blog with your friends who fit this description, so they’ll know that they’re not alone.
The empty nest season is just around the corner. You might be busy running around from one event to another, watching your child saying good bye to their childhood and taking their first steps as adults.
There are thousands of thoughts going through your head: how will I survive without them when they leave? Am I really getting old? What will I do with my free time? What if they get in trouble?
You also experience so many emotions, sometimes contradictory emotions, all at once: grief and celebration, pride and sadness, joy and anger, excitement and fear.
You feel excited and relieved because peace and quiet are on their way to you.
You feel anxious and scared because there are so many question marks, such as… how will it affect your relationships with your husband?
You feel pride and satisfaction for being a good parent.
Dealing with so many different thoughts and emotions might feel overwhelming at times.
It might help you to know that there are many women out there just like you and you will, just like them, find your way to use this transition as an opportunity.
An opportunity for growth.
An opportunity for fulfillment.
An opportunity to connect to your purpose, to who you truly are.
An opportunity to create the life you want.
My son left for college 4 years ago. My daughter is leaving in a few months, leaving an empty nest for me. Having the experience with my son, I know that I will make the most out of my coming transition. I have learned how important it is to accept all of the emotions: the joy and the sadness, the celebration and the sadness. And when it’s time – to let go and create the life I want.
Please share with us if you have an experience with this meaningful transition.
How does it feel?
How do you handle that?
What’s the opportunity for you?
Also, tell us if you want to hear more about dealing with this transition.
What is a master? It is someone who resonates with success. It’s a person who’s mindset automatically attracts the right people, places, events, and opportunities, and the same mindset allows the person to jump all over with gusto, and without fear or hesitation.
I believe that while each of us can do many things well, there is really only one thing that we can truly master: being who we are.
Each of us has a very unique makeup. At its core, is perfect. This is the secret of many religous traditions, whether they call it your true-self, the God within, Buddha-nature, etc. when we tap into our true core, our real gift to the world is revealed. When you share your true gift with the world, you can be considered a Self-Master.
Self-Mastery is made up of 3 parts:
- Understanding that each of us has a unique gift offering to the world, and that such an offering comes when we are truly authentic.
- Discovering (remembering) what exactly is our truly authentic self.
- Sharing who we are with the world, in a way that only we can.
Mastery is about knowing who you really are, and how you express that in what you do.
Self-Mastery means living an abundant, fulfilled, and enjoyable life. It means feeling in control without having to control anything or anyone. As a master, it means you are at the cause, instead of the effect.
Self-Mastery means resonating at a high frequency of energy, and attracting all we could ever want into our lives, and… with little or no effort. I think this is a great way to live.
In future posts, we’ll look at many things that get in the way of discovering and sharing our true selves. One by one, we’ll identify those obstacles, limitations, and challenges and reveal them for what they are… distractions that can be rendered powerless through awareness and Self-Mastery. We’ll help you to transform and mold your world into all that you desire, to reveal your unlimited potential.
Curious what YOU can do to start shifting your energy?
Your best first step is taking the E-Factor Assessment (E = Energy) and get a clear picture of your current energy level & how to shift it.
Is your life out of balance? What can you do to regain balance?
Balanced living means you are centered and present every moment. You might feel joy and gratitude for no apparent reason. You sleep well, eat healthy, and stay in good shape, physically and emotionally.
Balanced living is when you see every challenge as an opportunity and you are conscious about your response rather than reacting instinctively.
Most of my life, I was out of balance. Read *my story* if you’re curious to know why.
For the last few years, my life has been much more balanced and I have a set of tools that allow me to get there.
One of my favorite tools is my “Daily Balance Practice”.
It’s a personalized routine that you create according to your needs. Be creative; change it and modify it as you wish. My current “Daily Balance Practice” is a 20-minute silent meditation I do every morning, followed by setting my intentions for the day.
“I pause, I breathe, and I smile.
I let go and let God.
Throughout the day, I remember to slow down.
I take baby steps one day at a time
and I’m grateful for…..”
