When I teach Reiki, I’m often asked questions about religion and faith. Is Reiki a religion? No, it’s not. It’s a profound spiritual practice that is not limited to any religious tradition. Reiki comes, I believe, from the source of all human beings.
Barbara Brown Taylor, the author of this book, an Episcopal priest since 1984, served urban and rural parishes before leaving parish ministry to become a teacher in 1998. While she still preaches and teaches at churches and universities across the country, she writes more and more for the “spiritual but not religious” crowd.
I heard about this book from a dear friend, a Jewish Rabbi, who was inspired by her writing and thought I would be too. I was.
Taylor reveals meaningful ways to discover the sacred in the small things we do and see, beginning with simple practices such as walking and working. Something as ordinary as hanging clothes on a clothesline becomes an act of meditation if we pay attention to what we’re doing and take time to notice the sights, smells, and sounds around us. Making eye contact with the cashier at the grocery store becomes a moment of true human connection. Allowing yourself to get lost leads to new discoveries.
As we incorporate these practices into our daily lives, we begin to discover altars everywhere we go, in nearly everything we do. Through Taylor’s expert guidance we learn to live with purpose, pay attention, slow down, and appreciate the world we live in.
Her book is a practical spiritual guide of everyday living.
One of my favorite parts of the book is “The Practice of Wearing Skin”
Taylor talks about being comfortable living in your own body: “Whether you are sick or well, lovely or irregular, there comes a time when it is vitally important for your spiritual health to drop your clothes, look in the mirror, and say: Here I am. This is the body-like-no-other that my life had shaped. I live here. This is my soul’s address.”
An inspiring book to have on your nightstand and read a chapter every time you need to feel connected and loved.
It wasn’t that serious: throat infection, high fever, chills and body ache.
The challenge was that my daughter (18) is in Israel and I’m in Atlanta 6500 miles away.
When my son left to college a few years ago, I had my first experience with this difficult parenting challenge: letting your children go. I’ve used some of the experience from my son to support me with my daughter’s absence. Overall, I’ve felt pretty good with this transition.
Until she got sick.
We have lots of family and friends in Israel. She is not really by herself. But I am not there!
I have to admit that in today’s world, long-distance communication is so simple. With iPhones, Skype, calling cards, etc., keeping in touch is not difficult. Sometimes it’s even free.
When my daughter went to the doctor, I knew almost every second what was going on with her. But still – it felt like millions of miles were separating between us.
I used all of my coaching skills and Reiki tools to stay centered. Just like I was doing for the last 5 months, since she left, I made sure to be present for her, staying high energy, strong and positive. I knew that her body was telling her to slow down because she over exhausted herself. As she was behaving like a sick person might behaves – feeling a little sorry for herself, complaining about feeling bad, I reminded her that she doesn’t have to be strong and positive all the time. She should allow herself to be sad, angry, frustrated, and it’s even ok to cry.
I had to remind myself of the same: it’s okay to feel worried and a little helpless. It’s not realistic to expect to be high energy all the time!
Taking a step back, I know that I did everything I could. I made sure she asked for support, I was present for her. I even asked our wonderful Reiki community to send her Reiki.
Soon, the crisis was over. She got the medical care she needed and life went on as usual.
It was a challenge, but like most challenges, it ended up teaching me a lesson.
It reminded me what true balance is.
Balance doesn’t mean being “up” all the time. It doesn’t mean being only happy and positive, no matter the circumstance.
Balance means accepting whatever comes up and allowing it to be – whether that’s being happy or sad, positive or negative, angry or grateful.
We change, we grow, we work on our issues, we take responsibility for our actions, but at the end of the day (or the end of the week, month, year) we still look back and notice what we could have done better. We end up paying attention to ours faults rather than our successes.
It is very natural for our mind to criticize and judge. People tend to look at the negative before looking at the positive.
On top of that, we set unrealistic expectations on ourselves, like wanting to be 100% perfect 24/7.
All those tendencies create a constant feeling of disappointment, frustration, and guilt.
We are out of balance.
Our expectations and our reactions throw us off balance.
How do we fix? We can see it our life as a process. We can look at our progress rather than expect perfection.
One of my clients this week, let’s call her Joyce, had a few days of effective and supportive communication with her husband. She was able to communicate in a kind and compassionate way and she thanked him for his support. Over the weekend, they had a fight and went back to their old behavior of creating conflict, each trying to “win the war”.
When she shared her frustration with me, I suggested that she choose a new perspective for this week:
What do I want to have more of, and what do I want to have less of?
With this new approach in mind, she realized they were already having more of the new, positive communication and less of the old, negative one.
This is a success and needs to be seen as such! Most of the week was better than before, even if the old behavior persisted for some of it.
Look at your life from a different perspective and set up realistic expectations:
I want to have more of…… and less of….
The Bottom Line: Instead of expecting yourself to be perfect, plan to have more of the new, positive behavior and less of the old, negative one
Ask: What do I want more of, and what do I want less of?
Affirm: I want to have more X and less Y and I allow myself to take steps for success
“Sometimes we don’t need to pursue happiness you just need to pause and let it catch up with you” – Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
When you pause, you let happiness catch up to you, you let inspiration catch up to you, you let inner peace catch up to you, and you let intuition catch up to you.
When you pause, you let the present catch up to you.
Our past dominates our thinking. Past experiences, past fears, past beliefs – they are all stuck in our mind. Many of our current habits are based on the past.
If we grew up in a family that taught up that food is love, we will crave food when we want to feel loved. If society taught up to sacrifice ourselves for others, we’ll feel guilty every time we do something for ourselves.
That’s in the past. In the present, we pause – we recognize the feeling, we recognize the thought behind the feeling and we change the thought.
We say to ourselves: “The thought that food is love has control over me now. It makes me anxious and out of control. I pause. I ask for a more support thought. I change the thought, and the feeling changes.” The new thought might be: “I connect to people from my heart; I give and receive love freely. I eat to nurture myself.”
The old thought will no longer control us. We can take control.
The pause is the answer to so many of our problems. Such a small thing, and so powerful.
The Bottom Line: Pause – and you might be able to change your thinking, your habits, your behaviors.
Ask: What might be a more supportive thought?
Affirm: I pause and I listen to my true inner voice.
Picture from a Reiki 1 class in Atlanta
Here are some cool facts about Reiki:
- Anyone can learn Reiki. No prior experience is needed.
- Reiki has become a more mainstream tool for stress reduction. Moms are using it for their kids, men and women are using it for themselves, and animal lovers are using it for their pets.
- It is a simple and quick tool to learn. By the time you finish my six- hour level 1 class, you become an effective Reiki healer and can start using it immediately.
- The greatest gift of Reiki is the ability to use it for yourself.
I have trained over 200 people with Reiki. I see its miracles in my life every day and I am honored to see my students’ lives changing in front of my eyes.
So what is Reiki? I will tell you in very simple words.
But first, let me share one more thing.
In my last level 2 class, I asked my students to describe the biggest benefit that Reiki brings into their lives. That was before they took the level 2 class. After only 6 hours of the level 1 training, here are some of the responses:
I feel so blessed by the gift of Reiki, and I love sharing it with my children. They are 4, 6 and 8 years old and I have been meditating with them for about a year. Since becoming a Reiki practitioner, I have begun giving them each Reiki before bed at night. We are all in one room and I start with a short kid-friendly meditation, then I rotate from kid to kid giving them each Reiki. I usually do 4 chakras on each child and then move to the next. Often they fall asleep before I even finish. It has become such a beautiful bonding experience and they say it really helps them fall asleep. I love that they already feel such a connection to reiki at such a young age!
- Kelly Hixon– mother of 3
Reiki is the greatest gift I could ever receive. It allows me to be centered, to accept peace & happiness into my life.
– Patricia Burford
Reiki has been transforming in my life. I love all of the healing benefits of Reiki but the biggest benefit to me has been my connection to source and focusing on my spiritual journey. It has been a re-birth for me in so many ways.
- Stephanie Colletti
I became a very positive person, living one day at a time. I see the good in each person and I try to give my love and support to the people who need me.
- Ana Berducido
The biggest gift the Reiki brings into my life is the ability to reduce stress, and calm others.
- Maricuz Sherman
Isn’t it amazing?
So what is Reiki?
Reiki is a Japanese Healing Modality that shifts energy on a physical, emotional and spiritual level so that your whole mind-body-spirit is in balance. Reiki helps to clear blocks and to shift energy from an overactive area to an under-active area. When our energy is flowing freely, we are healthier, less stressed and more relaxed.
If you are interested in reading more about Reiki and signing up for the next level 1 class please click on this link: Reiki 1 class
You will learn how to balance your Chakras and how to restore balance and harmony. You will gain lots of practical experience and special techniques to heal yourself and others. You will also learn how to treat injuries and help the body to heal faster and how to use the Reiki for stress reduction.
“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
People usually look for external conditions for happiness and well-being. We think… if only I had X, I could be happy. If only I went on vacation for a week, I would be fine. This might work for a short while, and going away is a wonderful way of recharging your batteries. But for the effects to last, you need to improve your well-being and happiness levels internally.
When you rely on something outside yourself – people, places, things – the good feeling can be taken away as easily as it is given.
One of the keys to keeping the balance is to take daily actions for rest and rejuvenation rather than waiting until it is absolutely necessary.
Although you cannot force yourself to feel peaceful and happy, taking care of your well-being daily will leave you with “energetic surplus” that’ll be available whenever it’s needed.
Taking care of your well-being daily will help you to respond rather than react. It will give you the energy you need to cope with life, and It will keep you balanced.
The Bottom Line: Avoid “energetic overdraft” by taking care of yourself and creating a “energetic surplus”.
Ask: What are some simple activities you can do daily to improve your well-being?
Affirm: I fit rest and rejuvenation into my life, daily.
How much control do you have over your happiness?
A lot more than you think! You might look at you life and say, there is no way I can be happy with this job or witht his relationship or with this body that I have. You might be one of those people who wake up in the morning to start another “average” or “ok” day, not feeling too excited to get out of bed.
Some people have a “wake up call”. They get sick, go through a divorce them or someone close to them dies. Something that shakes up their life. They use it as a turning point.
Maybe you haven’t been in this situation, and people look at your life and think that it’s perfect. That’s not how you feel. Something is missing.
Don’t wait for a wake-up call. Choose happiness now.
In the late 1940’s, a group of scientists in the United States and Europe began to study the relationship of feeling and of lifestyle and cancer. Over the years they came to a general agreement that Illness is caused by many factors: genetics, the environment, exposure to other illness, emotional traumas, stress level and more. But a person’s feelings and lifestyle play a role in their recovery process.
Lawrence LeShan, Ph.D., a psychotherapist who has worked with cancer patients for many years, writes in his book Cancer as a turning point: ”If there is one thing we have learned about the immune system, it is that the best way it get it to function on a higher level is to have a life that is full of enthusiasm. […] Having selected those activities which turn you on, you are treating yourself like as if you are worth really taking care of.”
When I read his book, years ago, I was really touched by the success stories he shares about so many cancer patients who were able to use cancer as a turning point and make changes to live a fuller, richer life. It made me think: Why do people need a wake-up call to change their lives and move into the direction of being fully happy?
For a person to become happier, it requires a complete change of their perception and thinking about themselves and life. We grew up trained toward what we should do rather than what we would enjoy doing; toward what we’re supposed to have in our life rather than what we really want. Our actions are usually based on these “shoulds” rather than on the question of “what would fulfill me – what style of being, relating, creating would bring me to a life of zest?”
One of my clients, let’s call her Kim, is going through a challenging transition in her life. She decided to leave a stable job because the in environment in which she worked in felt toxic for her. Overcoming her fears, she made a brave decision to take control over her life and look for another job. Her decision affects not only her, but also her husband and her kids. Her anxiety level is high those days. Let’s just say she is not the happiest woman on earth right now. Would she be able to follow her decision by a positive change and find a good new job?
This week, she spent 10 minutes every day doing something she really loves. 10 minutes, that’s all. For 10 minutes a day she was able to stop thinking about new job and earning money and to be fully present with doing her passion. She was much happier than she were a week ago. She also created a “quiet time” routine in the mornings before going to work (still her old job) getting centered and setting an intention for the day.
There are 2 actions you can take to become a happier you:
- Find something you love, something that makes you enthusiastic (what makes you completely zone and forget about the world out when you do it?) and do it regularly!
- Develop a practice of mindfulness, getting centered, being in the moment.
By doing those 2 things, you are choosing happiness. You are moving towards living a fuller, richer life.
Start small: what do you love doing? What makes you centered?
Strange tip, right? Ask? What does that have to do with balance?
“A question not asked is a door not opened” – Marilee Adams, PhD.
Most of the time we tell. We tell people what we want. We tell our children what we expect. We tell our spouse what needs to be done. We tell our friends what to do.
Sometimes it works and sometimes it creates tension. If we are not happy with the response we get, we feel resentful, maybe even angry. We are disappointed. They don’t do what we tell them to do. When we resent we’re out of balance.
Stop telling and start asking.
You want your spouse to do something for you?
Ask: How do you feel about doing that for me? When will be a good time? May I please ask you something? What ideas do you have about getting it done?
Your friend asking for support?
Ask: How do you feel? What are your choices?
Want your children to clean their room?
Say: you can clean up your room now in 15 minutes and then we’ll take a walk in the park or you can do it tonight before bed.
Ask: what do you choose?
“A question not asked is a door not opened” – Marilee Adams, PhD.
Open the door. Ask and listen to the answer. You might get what you want with less effort if you do that.
Bottom Line: When you ask questions, you open the door for flowing communication, for cooperation.
Ask: How can I communicate this as a question instead of a statement?
Affirm: I ask questions and I open the door for better communication.
The Dance of Fear is a transformative book that will teach you how to respond to the three key emotions that, according to the author, make us unhappy: anxiety, fear and shame.
Sharing her experiences, her patients’ experiences, and other people’s experiences, Lerner teacher us how to make anxiety our friend, how to deal with the fear of not being good enough, how to manage shame and much more.
One of my favorite chapters of the book is “Your Anxious Workplace: Staying Calm and Clearheaded in a Crazy Environment”. Her advice is effective not only for dealing with a toxic workplace but also for dealing with toxic family members: stop blaming, Hang out rather than hide out, no gossip, know when to stop, and many other skills and tips one can use to deal with external negativity.
The message is that we all face fear in spite of our education, knowledge, courage, or any other characteristic that supposedly makes a person fearless. When we accept fear as a natural occurrence in our lives, we learn to deal with it better.
Lerner quotes the words of the late poet Audre Lorde: “ When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it become less and less important whether I am afraid.”
I am using this book both in my own life and with my clients. I always encourage myself and others to “think big”, to “dream big.” This book will help you to release the anxiety, fear and shame that might stop you from getting to where you want to be.
Spring is on its way and with it, spring cleaning. Many people feel motivated to organize their house and to improve their productivity around this time of year. Just like we tend to hide inside our homes in the winter, this organizational wave hits us when we sense the spring is coming.
Here are my top 5 productivity tips, including the most important tip ever:
#1: Do the most important thing first
Your Most Important Things for the day — the things you most need to accomplish that day — should take priority over everything else. However, we all know that fires need to be put out as they come up throughout the day, interruptions through phone calls and email and people dropping by have to be dealt with, and new demands that will push your plans aside. Start with what’s important.
#2: Make sure your actions are in line with your goals
If we just do any work that comes our way, we can find ourselves completing tasks without really being productive. You’re only productive if you are doing work that moves you towards a goal. Eliminate as many non-essential tasks from your to-do lists as possible, and start to say no to new requests that are non-essential.
#3: Finish what you start – Work on one thing at a time
Focus as much as possible on doing one thing at a time. Clear your desk of distractions. Pick something to work on. Need to write a report? Do only that. Remove distractions such as phones and email notifications while you’re working on that report. If you’re going to do email, do only that. This takes practice, and you’ll get urges to do other things. Just keep practicing and you’ll get better at it.
#4: Create a system
Based on your personality, life-style and type of work and responsibilities you have create a system that works for you. What works for me, for instance, is to write down in my calendar everything I want to do, including time to write blogs, to prepare for classes, and even to rest. I write “gym” in my calendar. I write “rest” in my calendar. Otherwise, it doesn’t happen. I created folders where I keep papers: Inspiration folder, future blog folder, non-urgent folder, “look on the weekend” folder. That what works for me. What works for you? When do you clean your emails? Once a day? Once a week? Once a year? Create systems. It will take some of the pressure off your brain.
#5 and the most important one: Add “want to’s” to your “have to’s”
Productivity is managing a combination of external and internal resources. Externally, you want to have the time, knowledge, and resources to get things done. Internally, you want to have motivation and confidence that you can get it done.
The key is to be motivated from anabolic (positive), instead of catabolic (negative) energy.
You might be saying to yourself “If I don’t get it done it will affect me down the road” or “I have to do it today, otherwise I’ll have too much to do tomorrow.”
The motivation to be productive in this case comes from fear.
The other source of motivation to getting things done is the “want to” perspective. This motivation is all about creativity, passion and innovation.
When you have a list of things that need to get done, start with those that you feel motivated to do, that you want to do. Add some things you enjoy, things you really want to do – like taking a walk in nature (if you love it) or taking a dance class, or maybe meeting a friend you love for coffee.
Even if your life is very busy and it feels like an endless “to-do” list, even if it feels like there’s no room for more activities, include some “want to” activities in your schedule and the rest will feel less stressful and demanding.
Of course your inner critic will tell you that you can’t afford to “waste” time with the fun activities.
This is a false voice.
Listen to your true voice. It might say something like: “I deserve to enjoy life and have fun” or “when I energize myself the rest feels effortless”
Make a list of things you have to do and things you want to do.
How’s the balance between the two lists?
What items on your “have to” could be moved to the “want to” list by changing your thinking about them?
What fun activities can you add to the “want to” list?
This post was inspired by reading Leo Babauta’s blogs at http://zenhabits.net/
