The morning of day 4 brings lots of improvement. My dad is calmer, hallucinating less and he even recognizes us. Yesterday was the hardest day for me so far and I still feel a little shaken. I am motivated to do whatever it takes to get back on track and get centered. If I close my eyes I will not be able to watch my dad. I am not even sure I can meditate right now because my mind is racing. I need to be creative and modify my exercises. I try different exercises I have in my “Tool Box” until I come up with the following routine, do it a few times and become much more centered:
Step 1 – Scan the Body
Gazing at one point on the wall in front of me, I pay attention to my breathing and I start to scan my physical body. I realize that my body is very tense. Some muscles are stiff, other areas are sore. I simply breathe and notice the sensations. I identify where in my body I feel the tension. I am a little surprised; there are so many areas!
Step 2 – Follow my Breath
After noticing the tension, it is time to release it. This doesn’t always require a conscious effort – sometimes simply noticing it can be enough. Still gazing at the wall, I start to notice my breathing. I focus on the moment between the inhale and exhale and I imagine each breath cycle as an infinity symbol, ∞. The breathing helps me to release the tension from my body.
Step 3 – Notice my Thoughts
My body is more relaxed. Now it is time to check what is going on with my mind. While breathing, I start to notice my thoughts. And there are so many! No wonder my mind is racing! I name the thoughts as they come up without engaging with their content. I say to my self “Thinking” when I recognize a thought. If no thought comes up, I return my attention to the breath.
