This book is the story of Gretchen Rubin’s happiness project. What she tried, what she learned and how she spent one year of her life researching happiness and creating fun in her life. She had a wonderful life before she started, but thought she might be even happier. She chose 12 resolutions and focused on a different subject each month. Her topics, by order of months were: Boost Energy, Remember Love, Aim Higher, Lighten Up, be Serious about Play, make time for Friends, Buy some Happiness, Contemplate the heavens, Pursue a Passion, Pay Attention, Keep a Contented Heart and Boot Camp Perfect.
I like how Gretchen draws not only on the recent research in the field of positive psychology but on the wisdom of ancient philosophers and thinkers.
In a humorous way, Gretchen shares practical tips and gives fun ideas to create more happiness in life. For example, some of her tips for “Be Serious about Play” are: Take time to be silly, go off the path, and start a collection. I loved reading the whole book and applying it to my life and now it is simply sitting on my nightstand and I open a random page and read whenever I need a “Happiness Boost”.
Here is something I learned from the book:
One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy.
One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
“The Gift of Balance in Your Life – May you find the balance of life, time for work but also time for play. Too much of one thing ends up creating stress that no one needs in their life.” - Catherine Pulsifer
Whether you are a full time mom, a business owner or working for someone else, you are probably trying to divide your time and attention between work, yourself, and the people you care about. Work-life balance means different things to different people. Is it coming home after a long day leaving work stuff behind? Or if you work from home, is it actually leaving the house for some nurturing activities?
I usually go to the gym three times a week. When I exercise, I feel healthier, more energized and free from the “clutter” in my head. This week, I gave 3 presentations to different groups of women. With the time it took to prepare for the presentations, it was a packed week. I skipped my second exercise da and then almost skipped my third exercise day. It was hard to decide if I should skip it to catch up on work, or go anyway.
One of the women in my presentation this week shared that she works too much and rests too little “but I don’t have a choice”, she said. “I have to work so much and I have no time to rest”. There is nothing I can do about it. It’s work.
I remembered her when trying to make up my mind about the gym.
Really? Do we not have a choice?
We do! We are in charge of our choices and decisions. Our brain tells us that we’re not… that working so much is a fact, not something that could be changed. But it’s not a fact. It’s our choice, even if it doesn’t feel like it. We have a lot more control over our lives than we think.
I ended up going to the gym. I was so energized and motivated when I came back that it actually took me less time to get things done. Writing my blog was easy since creativity and inspiration were simply flowing. I know that clearing my head while exercising was the key.
For me, exercising is important in order to keep work-life balance.
Of course there are other important factors as well: setting boundaries with how late I work, allowing myself to take breaks, to rest, to do something fun, to socialize and to feel that there is more to life than work.
Here are my Top 7 Work-Life Balance Tips:
1. Create blocks of time for work, family and self. If both you and your partner are working, have a conversation and coordinate “together time”, “alone time” and “work time”. Sometimes it is just a matter of having a conversation and making plans, but most people are have more success by writing it in their calendars.
2. Protect your “non-work” time. During your family or alone time, don’t work! It is better to spend only an hour with your kids, but to be fully present to them, no phone, no emails, than to spend several distracted hours with them. Same goes for your alone time. Taking a walk by yourself or with a pet? How about enjoying the moment and leaving the phone at home?
3. Do one thing at a time. The result of doing a million things at the same time is stress, low productivity, over-exhaustion and burnout. If there are more than 3 documents open on your computer screen, that’s a red flag. Work on one task at a time and when you’re done move to the next one. If you are a full time mom and you also have your own business, wear your “mom’s hat” for a block of time, and concentrate fully on your responsibility as a mother. This way, you won’t feel guilty when you switch to your “career hat” and devote yourself to that. Trying to do both at once creates unnecessary tension.
4. Identify and cut your time wasters. Once you’re clear with your priorities and your blocks of time, you have to make sure you don’t fill it up with activities that are time consuming and unproductive. I’m not talking about fun activities, because those are important, but I am talking about activities you get addicted to and spend too much time on without much reward Examples are: computer games, facebook, watching TV for a long time, etc.
5. Make dates with your kids. If you have children, plan individual time to spend with each one of them, undistracted. Whether it’s a walk in nature, picnic in the park or baking together, this quality time will means so much both for them and for you.
6. Make dates with your partner. If you are married on in a relationship, the best way to make your relationships a priority when you are busy with work is to plan at least one evening a week where you’re both devoted to being with one another. Don’t expect your partner to initiate it. Do it yourself. Show them that they are important for you and your time together is valuable, no matter how busy you are.
7. Make dates with yourself. When we talk about work-life balance, alone time is the first thing most people give up. The irony is that when you spend time with yourself it energizes you, makes you centered and creates a sense of inner peace. You really need it in order to live a balanced. It doesn’t happen by itself. Plan ahead and schedule time in your calendar.
To support you, we have created a FREE “Improving Your Work-Life Balance” Guide. First you will evaluate areas that need improvement and then you’ll prioritize and take steps to improve.
Download the free guide by clicking on this link
“Improving Your Work-Life Balance” Free Guide
Please share with us which of my 7 tips was your favorite.
The most conscious people are the ones who recognize a gift of the moment when it happens.
One morning this week, I got a little frustrated with my dog. She had been eating dirt outside in the yard and got sick. Although we have a fenced yard, we decided to supervise her when she’s out so she stops this new habit. It was a cold and foggy morning… too early for going outside when my bed is so warm and cozy. As I step outside to the yard, leaning my head down thinking to myself “why do I deserve this” something made me raise my head and look around me. I was completely shocked to notice how beautiful was the view, when the trees are waking up, the fog is starting to thin and the universe is presenting itself refreshed and anew. I didn’t want the moment to end. My heart was filled with gratitude. I felt so supported by powerful nature. The picture I took on my phone is just a reminder. Believe me, it was much more beautiful.
Thanks to my dog and her annoying habit, I had the honor of feeling the gift of the moment.
Later that day, I had a coaching session with Patricia, one of my clients who said to me: “I realize that we go through the day without looking. We forget to accept and appreciate. We forget to notice the sky, the clouds, and the beauty. When your eyes open, you heart opens up and life is lighter.”
Synchronicity.
The same message twice in one day.
Bottom line: Raise your head, look around you and appreciate the gifts of the moment.
Ask: What am I grateful for and what do I appreciate in life?
Affirm: I raise my head, I look around me and I appreciate the gifts of the moment.
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning” – Mahatma Gandhi
Why having a vision is important
Gandhi’s visualization of having a free India became a reality years after it started as a simple picture in his own mind.
Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech was his own vision that has been manifesting as reality (not fully, but we’re on the way).
1988 Olympics’ participant Ruben Gonzales describes his months and years of training for his first Olympics: “Whether I was jogging, lifting weight, eating dinner, or simply walking in the mall, in my mind I was walking into the opening ceremonies at the Olympics, the crowd was cheering wildly; to the right I could see the Olympic flag waving… and 4 years later, when I actually walked out into the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, it was exactly the way I imagined it – only a hundred times better.”
Creating a vision means making a mental picture of something you want to become true. Visual images have a huge impact on your brain. One of the most exciting scientific breakthroughs of the past decades has been the discovery that we are constantly making new brain cells and brain cell connections. When you create images of your vision, you train your subconscious mind to create a reality from your vision.
If the picture of your future is vague – that will also be your reality.
Make it clear – and you are half way to the future you want.
So what’s the first step?
The first step is creating your vision. You can do it in any of the following way:
- Writing – Think about your life a year from now, as if there are no limitations and the sky is the limit – and write down every details you can about your life
- Reading – read inspirational stories of people who made their dream into a reality and ask yourself how you can apply their stories to your own
- Talking – Put it out there, tell people what’s your intention and vision
- Visualization – Close your eyes, imagine your life a year from now, as if there are no limitations and the sky is the limit. Make it alive. Believe in it.
So let’s say I know what I want. What’s the most effective way to manifest my vision?
The most effective way it to manifest vision is to get into action mode and do one or all of the following (depending on your personality & learning style):
- Meditate on your vision daily
- Create affirmations of your vision and practice them
- Break down your vision into goals and set up an action plan
- Make a spread sheet of small actions you want to take
- Get professional support or an accountability buddy
- If you came up with goals and actions, give them a deadline and schedule it in your calendar
- Make your own Vision Board, look at the board every day and ask yourself: what’s a small step I can take today to make this vision a reality?
But I have tried it so many times before…
That’s why I’m here!
I have been there myself, making New Year’s resolutions and fining old dusty vision boards in my basement…
Not anymore!
What changed?
My thinking.
I have learned to change my beliefs and thoughts, to retrain my brain so I believe 100% in my vision. I got a professional to help me close the gap between my vision and my reality. Otherwise, I wouldn’t live the passionate life I live right now, I wouldn’t have the successful business I have right now, the house of my dream, the relationships I want and… the list is long. It’s not perfect, but it is so much better than I ever imagined. I’m so excited to create my next vision and turn it into a reality. We always learn and grow…
Life is Good!
Yours can be too!
Email me to schedule your free 15-minute “reality check” coaching session. Would love to help you!
It’s a human nature to judge. We all do it.
We judge others, we judge ourselves.
When we judge and criticize others, we get angry and disappointed with them. When we judge and criticize ourselves, we feel guilty and ashamed.
Often, we blame others for something we struggle with ourselves. For instance, when you are all motivated to exercise and eat healthy you might judge someone who isn’t. You forget that just a few weeks ago, you were struggling just like them. You judge your friend for being too controlling or trying to fix their children or partner. Wasn’t it just last night when you were in somebody’s face trying to tell them how they should be?
When it comes to ourselves, we tend to forget our attributes, successes, achievements and to focus on what we haven’t done, what we could have done better. We judge and criticize ourselves and the result is that we beat ourselves up.
We are out of balance.
What can we do?
Evaluate objectively – instead of judging and criticizing.
It is not going to change the facts but it is defiantly going to change your reaction.
If you step back, get into an observer mode and evaluate the situation (yours or others) objectively, you will not lose your power over what happened. Instead, you will manage your emotions, cope with whatever happened in a balanced way and move forward with your life.
The Bottom line: Judging and criticizing create and spread negativity. Step back, observe and evaluate.
Ask: What might be a reason I (or they) behave like that and how can I be compassionate?
Affirm: I let go of judging and criticizing, I evaluate objectively and I’m free.
Often we have an idea of what our life should look like. Thinking big and having a vision is essential in the process of creating the life you want, yes, but if taken too far, you might end up in a dream world with unrealistic expectations. You also expect others to act according to your plan. But they don’t know that and even if they do – can you really control others? They have their own agenda just like you do. For example, you might expect your partner to behave in a certain way: to always clean after themselves, to smile and hug you, to surprise you, to buy you a big gift for your birthday. They are not perfect. No one is.
You also expect a lot from yourself. Especially if you are an over achiever, like many of us are, you get caught in this “marathon” feeling of moving forward, pushing harder, having more success, producing more. Before you know it, your expectations from yourself are as high as the sky and you end up being disappointed.
Chances are that if you have a tendency to expect the impossible from yourself, you also do it with your partner, your friends, your co-workers and the whole world. You keep being disappointed and frustrated and your life is out of balance.
So how do you regain balance?
You pause and check: is this realistic? How can I phrase it (both in your head and when you’re communicating with others) in a more supportive way? How can I leave a window open to let others be who they are and find their own way?
After you re-set your expectations, make sure you communicate them clearly.
Remember that other people cannot read your mind. (at least most of them…)
While writing this post, I realized that many of my expectations from myself were completely unrealistic for today. My plan was to fit in 3 hours stuff that should take at least 6 hours. Thank you, my dear readers, for being both my students and my teacher…
What do you expect from yourself and others which is unrealistic and how willing are you to change it?
What would 2012 be like for you if you could bring greater balance and peace into your life? Balance doesn’t happen by itself. It requires action, but it doesn’t have to be hard or complicated. Those of you who have worked with me before know that I’m all about baby steps. Start small. Break it down. Make sure what you’re aiming for is realistic. Make it simple.
In this new series, “52 Balance Tips”, I am going to share with you simple ways to create balance in your life. Everything I’ll share with you has been proven successful and has brought balance to people’s life. But here is the key: you have to make it your own. You have to actually do it. Reading is not enough. Get engaged in the process: take notes, journal, adjust it so it fits your needs, share with others, ask me questions and most importantly, make it fun.
Are you excited? I am too. So let’s start.
My first tip is – start a new chapter, and write it yourself.
Imagine that you could leave your past behind. That you could stop labeling the past as “good” or “bad”, trusting that any past experiences that might benefit you now are already part of your being, part of your “wisdom data”. Imagine yourself writing a book. The book of your life. You are done writing a chapter; your turn the page over and you start a new one. You are writing your book. It is your own creation, so you can create whatever you want. You don’t expect others to write your new chapter for you. You don’t blame life for forcing you to write the new chapter. You enjoy the freedom of writing it yourself.
Your Balance Action:
Start your day with turning the page and starting a new chapter.
Close your eyes take a deep breath and ask yourself “what would I write in my new chapter today”?
Pick up your journal, write “Today’s Chapter” and write down how you’re taking charge of the day, and writing your own book.
Inspire me and others: what did you write? Share with us.
What I learned in 2011, and what it has to do with you
The New Year “buzz” is already here, but before I get into the excitement and promises of the New Year, I took some time this week to reflect. Every morning I wrote 3 pages in my journal, allowing all the “stuff” to come up with no special structure. What a rolle rcoaster this year has been! And although I enjoyed the ride, there were up moments and down moments.
On a personal level, my daughter who is 18 left home and moved away. My son, who is 22, came back home after graduating from college. Big adjustment for all of us. One of the hardest lessons for parents. We moved to a new house. My dad’s Alzheimer got worst. Lots of transitions and change which brought up some joy as well as fear, sadness and doubt. My family needed a lot of my attention this year. I had to switch between the “mom hat” and the “daughter hat” often, while seeking balance between my personal and professional life. Looking back, 3 things kept me going and growing:
- Being willing to get honest about what’s really going on in my head & heart, what thoughts, beliefs and emotions drive me and having the courage to take control over them.
- Asking for support – I have worked with a coach, joined a support group, shared with my husband and with friends, and got centered every morning for a spiritual support as well. I have learned to ask for support and to accept support.
- Living my passion and doing service for others was a big one for me this year. My natural tendency is to put life on hold when something is going on either with my dad or with my children. So many of you kept holding a mirror in front of my face, reminding me to take care of myself no matter what is going on around me.
You, my dear students, clients and friends, provided me with the opportunity to care from my heart, to serve you from a place of passion, and for that, I am so grateful to you all. One of my clients, Colleen, ended her email recently with “I wish you all the best in your practice! You are changing lives, Michal! Keep it up!” Just a few words but what an amazing encouragement. Doing something I love and watching how it changes your lives for the better keeps me going.
So what does it all have to do with you?
I invite you to learn from my experience and make a change in your life.
Get honest and be willing to change your thoughts and beliefs. Ask for support. Share from your heart. Live your passion and allow others to hold a mirror in front of your face.
Let me help you, just like I allowed others to help me.
The new programs I developed for 2012 come from a lifetime as a balance seeker and all the lessons I have learned from you. Although this is still a business and I try to sell and promote these programs, they are a pure reflection of my journey and truly bring balance and joy to people’s lives. They bring results.
So don’t stop reading here. Spend a few minutes and check out the opportunities for growth I’m offering in 2012:
- Watch this result-driven video and take the Balance-Index Assessment. Taking this assessment myself was the beginning of my new life. It can happen to you too.
- If you are a woman in any stage of Empty Nest, join me and Dr. Anne Namnoum for the first meeting of the Atlanta “Empty Nest, Full Life” community on January 19th. If you can’t join us but would like to be part of our community, please email me.
- If you live in the Atlanta area, join me this coming Thursday, 1/5/2012 for my inspiring talk “Overstressed or balanced? The Choice is truly Yours!” at the Life Dance Wellness Center in Covington, Georgia.
- Get on my VIP List and be the first to get the information about my newest “Stop Being Overwhelmed with Responsibilities and start feeling Happy and Fulfilled” online program which starts on January 23rd. (You can do it from anywhere).The details of this program are still a secret, but if you email me and get on my VIP list you will be first to get the information. I expect a huge turn-out to this program and space is limited. Email me now.
Again – I am here to help you.
I have learned so much from you and from my personal journey and I have used all my experience, creativity and talent to develop these programs.
Thank you for being part of my ride in 2011 and let’s have an amazing ride together in 2012.
Cheers!
Michal
P.S. Make a difference in somebody else’s life and forward this to them.
Twelve-year-old CeeCee Honeycutt is in trouble. For years, she has been the caretaker of her psychotic mother, Camille-the tiara-toting, lipstick-smeared laughingstock of an entire town-a woman trapped in her long-ago moment of glory as the 1951 Vidalia Onion Queen. But when Camille is hit by a truck and killed, CeeCee is left to fend for herself. To the rescue comes her previously unknown great-aunt, Tootie Caldwell.
In her vintage Packard convertible, Tootie whisks CeeCee away to Savannah’s perfumed world of prosperity and Southern eccentricity, a world that seems to be run entirely by women.
This book is full of feminine spirit and women’s wisdom.
CeeCee’s view of the world has touched me deeply on many levels.
I found myself laughing and crying at the same time, inspired by its wisdom.
Here are some inspirations from the book:
Mrs. Odell, CeeCee’s dear friend tells her: “When a chapter of your Life Book is complete, your spirit knows it’s time to turn the page so a new chapter can begin. Even when you’re scared or think you’re not ready, your spirit knows you are.” (Page 41)
Aunt Tootie admits that saving old houses is her “fire”. “Everyone needs to find the one thing that brings out their passion” she says. “Life will offer us amazing opportunities, but we’ve got to be wide-awake to recognize them.” (Page 101)
Later in the book, Aunt Tootie tells CeeCee: “It’s what we believe about ourselves that determines how others see us. Once you set your mind to it, it is easy.” (Page 249)
And my favorite phrase from the end of the book: “it’s how we survive the hurts in life that brings us strength and gives us our beauty.” (Page 302)
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Affirmation: I free my mind of past and future and I live in the moment.
“With the Past as past, I have nothing to do; nor with the Future as future. I live now and will verify all past history in my own moments.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Living in the moment means you are aware & present with all your senses. You are aware of sounds, colors, feelings & taste. When your mind wanders instead of being fully engaged with what’s happening right now, you’re losing focus and energy to the past (history) and future (mystery).
Here are some simple “live in the moment” habits:
- Eat Mindfully – set the table, sit down and eat, focusing on the look, feel and taste of the food. No TV, no magazines. Just eat (slowly).
- Do one thing at a time. When you wash the dishes, wash the dishes. When you exercise, exercise. When you play with your kid or your pet – just play. Don’t multitask.
- Slow down. Walk slower. Talk slower. Read slower.
- “PBS” as many times as you can throughout the day: Pause, Breathe & Smile.
Live a moment at a time.
Enjoy the contentment that comes from doing so.
This week, every morning when you wake up, read, write and say the affirmation: “I free my mind of past and future and I live in the moment.” Choose one practice from the above list each day. At the end of the week, decide which practice you would like to turn into a habit.
Enjoy!
The last week of the year is the perfect time for a yearly reflection: looking back at your successes, your failures, and what you can learn that will help you grow and improve.
Why reflect?
- It helps you to keep things in proportion, especially if you tend to get caught in the story or the drama of life. When we step back and observe our lives objectively from a distance, it is easier to see the facts and release the emotional attachments.
- Instead of repeating our mistakes, we can learn from them and make changes. When you reflect on the past, you become clear what you can do differently in the future.
- Accessing your wisdom and creativity by reflecting on the past year, you end up coming up with new insights and new ideas.
- The end of the year is the perfect time to celebrate your achievements, successes and accomplishments. Reflecting helps you remember them.
What to reflect on?
You want to reflect but you don’t know where to start. That’s very normal. Break it down and reflect on each on of the following areas:
- Career/Profession
- Family/Parenting
- Personal Development
- Spiritual Awareness
- Fun & Enjoyment
- Intimate Relationships/Social Relationships
- Health/Aging
- Personal Finance
How to reflect?
Choose your favorite Reflection Method – or have fun trying them all.
Morning Pages
Every morning for a week or two, write in your journal three pages titled: “2011”. Write anything that comes up: positive memories, negative ones, funny stuff, events, and people you have met and liked, people you don’t like, things that makes you laugh, things that makes you cry. Can’t think of anything? Write: “I don’t know what to write about 2011” and go from there. Just write whatever comes up, without censoring yourself. 3 pages. Every day. You’ll be surprised how much “good stuff” will come up to the surface.
Gratitude List
Every evening, write a list of “Things I’m grateful for in 2011”. Don’t over think it. Write down whatever comes up even if it doesn’t make sense.
End of Year Reflection Questions
Read each one of the following questions. Connect to your heart, take a moment get centered, and write down the answer.
- What made me happy this year?
- What made me disappointed?
- Where was I successful?
- What were my top three challenges/lessons?
- Which challenge was my biggest gift and why?
- How did I grow & improve, compared to the previous year?
- Who is the person I have learned the most from?
- For what am I grateful?
- What if the funniest memory from this year?
- On a scale of 1-10 (1 being “I wish it were different” 10 being “SO satisfied”), how satisfied I am in each of these areas:
- Career/Profession
- Family/parenting
- Personal Development
- Spiritual Awareness
- Fun & Enjoyment
- Intimate Relationships/Social Relationships
- Health/Aging
- Personal Finance
In order to embrace the new, we must release the old.
An important part of preparing for the New Year is to review the past year.
Have fun with the process and please write in the comment area and share the most surprising fact that came up for you.
Happy Reflection!
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Affirmation: I declutter my space, my heart and my mind and I am ready for a fresh start.
We all collect and hold on to physical, mental and emotional “stuff” which creates clutter in our lives.
Look around you. What belongings, clothes, furniture & accessories that you don’t really need are you willing to get rid of to create some free space? Donating some of your belongings will create abundance in someone else’s life.
What emotional hang ups that don’t serve you anymore are you holding on to?
Are you angry at “him” or “her” for saying something that hurt your feelings? They probably didn’t even mean it and already forgot about it, but you still carry the memory in your heart. Let it go!
And how about your thoughts and beliefs? Which ones create clutter in your mind?
I will share one of mine in the comment area and I invite you to do the same. You will feel so much better after sharing and committing to get rid of your unnecessary “stuff”.
Can’t wait to hear from you!
Let’s say you come home from work one day, and your spouse barely nods hello, and then goes into his office and closes the door. If you think that your spouse acted that way because he is angry with you, you might spend your evening wondering what you did to get him mad, and you might be hesitant to approach him with the great idea you’d come up with about a planning a future vacation.
When you interpret something, you create an opinion about an event, situation, or experience. In essence, you create an explanation and then look for evidence to support its validity. When you make an interpretation, you don’t even see that other explanations exist. In actuality, though, an interpretation often represents only one viewpoint among the many that are possible.
Your interpretations hold a strong energetic charge, which affects your emotions and actions. If you believe your viewpoint of a particular situation is the only explanation, you might not be aware of another point of view. You may end up wasting a lot of time and resources marching off in the wrong direction. Because you don’t see that other possibilities exist, you remain stuck in your story, and feel like you have no control over the outcome.
Interpretations are personal and are somewhat difficult to let go of and challenge. Holding onto them may seem like the easy way out, as facing them may move you into uncharted territory. However, challenging your interpretations opens you up to a world of possibilities, literally.
Typical interpretations may sound like this:
He doesn’t like me.
She thinks I’m incompetent.
They don’t want to follow orders.
My son is just not interested in doing his homework.
Interpretations can be directly challenged by asking: “What’s another way to look at that?” Just realizing that there are other ways to look at something lessens the power of your interpretation. One way to do this is to imagine what another individual’s perspective of the situation might be. Asking for someone else’s point of view on a difficult situation (even if they are not directly involved) can break existing paradigms and open pathways for more successful solutions. Challenging yourself or others to argue the point of view directly opposite your interpretation also works remarkably well to arrive at new information, new angles, and new paths to success.
In the example of your spouse above, perhaps the reason why he barely acknowledged you was that he just received a disturbing phone call work related, or he had a deadline that had to be met – or…….well, there are many possible explanations. What an opportunity you’d miss if you decided not to present your great idea based on your false interpretation.
This month, before you “jump to conclusions” and believe the first story that comes to mind, consider other possibilities that could lead you to new, empowering choices and actions.
Please share: what are some interpretations you make ?
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Affirmation: I don’t take things personally. I remind myself that it’s not about me and I detach and protect my energy.
Things happen and we create a story in our head. Part of the story is true and other parts are made up based on past assumptions, experiences and fears. The result is that we take things personally. Your husband was late coming home from work because of a meeting, and you think he doesn’t love you. Your co-worker didn’t have lunch with you because a of previous commitment and you think you’re not good enough. Your father blames you for not visiting him enough and you take the guilt on.
When you suspect that you’re too invested in a situation, stick to the facts. Clean “your side of the street”, and then let go. It’s not about you!
Stick to the facts and evaluate the situation in a detached, objective and professional way.
Protect your energy by detaching.
This week remember not to take anything personally. You cannot control other people and their opinions, but you can control your own actions and options.
What are you taking personally today and how willing are you to stop?
“When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
~George Bernard Shaw
If you have the perfect relationship with your parents, a beautiful bond with your in-laws, if you enjoy every moment you spend with your extended family around the holiday-season – this blog is not for you. Actually if that’s you, please skip to the comment area at the bottom and share your secret with us.
Since you’re still reading, chances are that you, like many other people, experience some tension and discomfort during all the time spent with family members during this time.
Here are the best tips I could gather from my clients’ experiences throughout the years:
1. Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements.
Let’s say that your mother-in-law gets a great sense of satisfaction from cutting you off every time you open your mouth to say something, especially if you look mad when she pushes your buttons.
Communicate your message clearly, using one “I” sentence (“I would love to tell my story without interruptions”). Don’t point a finger or say “You always stop me when I say something!” Using the “I” statement will give you back the power that you might have lost to her.
2. Use facts instead of judgments.
We always have history with our family. You might have a tendency to makes assumptions based on previous experiences (and traumas) and you might be invested emotionally in the situation.
Detach!
Stick to the facts!
Instead of thinking “who does she think she is, telling me that my kids have to go to bed earlier” think: “That’s what she says. Maybe she’s right, maybe she’s wrong. Let me think about the facts. I have the freedom to accept what she says, or not.”
3. Control your attitude.
Remember: you cannot control other people’s attitude but you can control your own. Ask yourself: if she was my best friend (and not my aunt), how would I be loving and kind towards her? Be kind and loving. Forgive. Have a positive attitude. Not because she is nice to you, but because you don’t want to give her so much power and to let her ruin your holiday. Be what you want to attract towards yourself. You want love and kindness? Be loving and kind.
4. Take time for yourself NO MATTER WHAT.
Even if your house is full of people and you feel responsible for entertaining them, you have to set your boundaries and create time for self care.
5. Do what you WANT and not what you’re EXPECTED to do (At least once a day ).
6. Play the following game with yourself: for each family member, ask yourself the question – what is she/he here to teach me?
What’s her/his gift? All relationships allow us to learn more about who we are. If we look at others as gifts being offered to us, we might choose to see them as partners on our journey.
My final tip is: sing the song “I will survive”, have lots of smiles and laughs. You need your sense of humor!
What’s your favorite tip? Please share!
